Last season, I wrote liberally about the annoyingly overrated Detroit Lions. (I could have done a whole column just about Ndamukong Suh’s idiocy.) This Lions’ team, starting with its head coach, is the biggest collection of morons that the league has seen in years. This brings me to WR Nate Burleson. Last week, Burleson caught a 17-yard TD pass, then he celebrated in the end zone:
(You can see another angle of it here.)
On the video, after Burleson scores, you see him get up, flap his arms, make a winged, flying-away motion with his hands, then pantomime shooting down the “bird” that had flown upward. Burleson was fined $10,000 by the NFL for this celebration, the NFL citing his “violent action toward another team.” Burleson thinks the NFL went too far in fining him. I can see his point, but I can also see the point of the image-conscious NFL wanting to discourage gun-related imagery.
What I can’t get past is how stupid the whole thing makes Burleson look. For starters, let’s look at the “celebration” itself. So, Burleson flaps his arms and his hands like a bird. The Lions are playing the Eagles, so I guess that’s the bird part. I get it, I really do; the other team is the Eagles, so they are eagles. So then he proceeds to shoot the “Eagle,” which would make sense if he played for the Detroit Poachers or the Motor City Madmen. He doesn’t, though. He’s a Lion. If he’s going to taunt the other team using team logos as his guiding imagery, the clever thing to do would be to come up with something that is consistent. Plus, miming shooting a gun, in Detroit no less, on a team full of guys who can’t seem to stay out of trouble, is just extremely poor judgement. There’s an old saying I like, something along the lines of, “If you get yourself into a hole, stop digging.” Burleson would have been much better off if he just let things be, but he just couldn’t stop talking. He claimed that he was miming a super soaker, not a gun. He invoked the 5-year-old child’s defence, saying essentially that he has seen many other players do similar things, miming guns and bow-and-arrows. He even lamented the league’s stifling of players expressing themselves spontaneously or out of pure enthusiasm. I watches a game a couple of years ago, where the Patriots beat the Titans 59-0 in a steady snowfall. Wes Welker caught a TD pass late in the game, when the Pats were way ahead, and he fell to the ground in the end zone and made a snow angel. That was spontaneous enthusiasm, but he was still flagged for excessive celebration, as per the rules. What Burleson did was a thought-out plan. That it was so stupid is embarrassing. He should have shut his trap, paid his fine, and let it die. But no, he’s bought into the idea that the Lions have to have “swagger,” have to be bad boys in order to win, when what they really need is the discipline to play the game the right way, work hard, and think of the team before the individual. What Burleson should have done, as a veteran, was act the way Vince Lombardi said a player should act when they make it to the end zone; like they’ve been there before.
Here’s the picks. I’m feeling particularly ornery this week:
Cardinals at Vikings
It should be interesting to see what offensive schemes the Cards have cooked up, what with how to figure out who’s doing what while Jared Allen is being quadruple-teamed. Think I’m exaggerating? I read that erstwhile Arizona starting QB Kevin Kolb had a number of his ribs separated from his sternum last week! Now that is some piss-poor protection. I just hope that John “Nuke” Skelton doesn’t get killed in the noisy Metrodome. No, really. Winner: Vikings
Washington at Giants
I can think of plenty of reasons to pick Washington in this one. RGIII is a handful, and if he tires out New York’s front four from chasing him around, then that will expose the lack of depth the Giants have at LB and DB. Also, the Giants are coming off a huge, “statement” game against the 49ers, and are due for a letdown. The thing is, if I know this, then you can bet that crafty old codger Coughlin knows it too. Winner: Giants
Cowboys at Panthers
Yes, I gleefully rip the Cowboys, because Jerry Jones gets on my nerves. If he’s such a fucking expert on coaching and personnel, he should just take over completely. Jason Garrett was a decent coach once, but too much time trying to work with Jerry’s hand up his ass has turned him into a wimp who can’t make basic decisions or manage the clock effectively. Too bad, since Romo’s practically killing himself out there trying to win with Dez “I’m too talented to work hard or even be in goddamn shape” Bryant being shoved down his throat. Rant over. Fortunately, the ‘boys are playing against sulky Cam Newton this week. Somewhere along the way, the Camster started to believe the hype about him, that he could win by himself. When did he start thinking that he needed to? Maybe it was when he looked at his receivers. And his head coach. And the defence. It was worth a try. Winner: Cowboys
Titans at Bills
Tough, tough game to pick. The Bills defence showed some life last week, but it was against the Cardinals (see above), while the Titans ground out a win against a Steelers team that should probably just change its logo to a red cross. I think that the Bills’ offence is just a bit more capable here, so with that and home-field… Winner: Bills
Saints at Buccaneers
Another tough one. On coaching, I’d go with the Bucs against the leaderless Sinners. New Orleans will probably get some kind of emotional boost from having Jonathan “It wasn’t me” Vilma back this week, they’ll come out smoking, and maybe even be able to hold on for the win for a change. On a side note, what are the chances that maverick Bucs’ coach Greg Schiano offers an incentive to whomever knocks Vilma out with a crackback block? Perhaps he could offer them some of Warren Sapp’s art. Winner: Saints
Packers at Rams
So, basically what happened last week is that Aaron Rodgers went to Houston, stepped on the field, and gave a big “fuck you” to everyone who has been talking and writing about the Packers’ demise this season. Well-done, sir. Now put your cleat on the Rams’ collective throat and keep it there until they roll over and show their belly. Winner: Packers
Ravens at Texans
It’s going to be weird watching the Ravens defence play without Ray Lewis in the middle. It’ll be weird for the Ravens, too. With all of their injuries on defence, Baltimore will have to rely on Joe Flacco to win games for them. That’s not good. The sensational Double-J Watt will be in Flacco’s nightmares for a while after this game. I expect a fiery game from the Texans this week, after they got owned by Aaron Rodgers and Co. last week. The Texans know that all eyes are on them, wondering if they’re a legitimate contender, so they’d better be able to handle their business this week. The stink of a loss to the wounded Ravens won’t wash away easily. Winner: Texans
Browns at Colts
The Browns stunned the Bengals last week, while the Colts predictably lost on the road to the desperate Jets. I like the Colts’ offence a lot more at home, where their very good rookie QB Andrew Luck can have a better chance of finding his rhythm in front of a friendly crowd. Winner: Colts
Jets at Patriots
I read today that Rex Ryan said that he had Tim Tebow playing Tom Brady on the scout team offence this week in practice. So, I expect that the Jets’ defence will do everything backwards on Sunday, because Tebow is a southpaw. In other words, the Jets’ CBs will look like Pats’ CB Devin McCourty does every week. I’m going to miss watching New England’s WRs get mauled on Gilligan’s Island (or whatever they used to call it) without “Little Buddy” Revis getting flagged. Tom Brady won’t miss it, though, or much else I suspect. Winner: Patriots
Jaguars at Raiders
It’s always dangerous playing the Jags. There’s always the danger that your team will become overconfident and make a bunch of mistakes. It’s worse to BE the Jags, though. Winner: Raiders
Steelers at Bengals
It’s no secret that I’ve been nursing a serious crush on the Bengals this season. However, they have still not figured out how to fix their problems on defence, and now Andy Dalton is starting to press and make mistakes he wasn’t making earlier in the season. This is a huge opportunity for the Bengals to make a statement against one of the most banged-up Steelers teams I can remember. If the Bengals can’t capitalize on this opportunity, then I’m breaking up with them. Winner: Bengals
Monday Night
Lions at Bears
The Bears are among the elite teams in the league. They have a balanced offence, a QB who can take over a game, and a top-flight defence. The Lions have serious problems on defence; they are thin at DB and LB, and their pass rush is overrated. Add to that their struggling offence, and you’ve got a very bad matchup against Chicago. I’ll be watching to see if Megatron scores a TD, doubling his total for the season <AHEMMADDENCURSEAHEM>, and to see if Nate Burleson gets a chance to pantomime a bear getting shot. Winner: Bears
On the video, after Burleson scores, you see him get up, flap his arms, make a winged, flying-away motion with his hands, then pantomime shooting down the “bird” that had flown upward. Burleson was fined $10,000 by the NFL for this celebration, the NFL citing his “violent action toward another team.” Burleson thinks the NFL went too far in fining him. I can see his point, but I can also see the point of the image-conscious NFL wanting to discourage gun-related imagery.
What I can’t get past is how stupid the whole thing makes Burleson look. For starters, let’s look at the “celebration” itself. So, Burleson flaps his arms and his hands like a bird. The Lions are playing the Eagles, so I guess that’s the bird part. I get it, I really do; the other team is the Eagles, so they are eagles. So then he proceeds to shoot the “Eagle,” which would make sense if he played for the Detroit Poachers or the Motor City Madmen. He doesn’t, though. He’s a Lion. If he’s going to taunt the other team using team logos as his guiding imagery, the clever thing to do would be to come up with something that is consistent. Plus, miming shooting a gun, in Detroit no less, on a team full of guys who can’t seem to stay out of trouble, is just extremely poor judgement. There’s an old saying I like, something along the lines of, “If you get yourself into a hole, stop digging.” Burleson would have been much better off if he just let things be, but he just couldn’t stop talking. He claimed that he was miming a super soaker, not a gun. He invoked the 5-year-old child’s defence, saying essentially that he has seen many other players do similar things, miming guns and bow-and-arrows. He even lamented the league’s stifling of players expressing themselves spontaneously or out of pure enthusiasm. I watches a game a couple of years ago, where the Patriots beat the Titans 59-0 in a steady snowfall. Wes Welker caught a TD pass late in the game, when the Pats were way ahead, and he fell to the ground in the end zone and made a snow angel. That was spontaneous enthusiasm, but he was still flagged for excessive celebration, as per the rules. What Burleson did was a thought-out plan. That it was so stupid is embarrassing. He should have shut his trap, paid his fine, and let it die. But no, he’s bought into the idea that the Lions have to have “swagger,” have to be bad boys in order to win, when what they really need is the discipline to play the game the right way, work hard, and think of the team before the individual. What Burleson should have done, as a veteran, was act the way Vince Lombardi said a player should act when they make it to the end zone; like they’ve been there before.
Here’s the picks. I’m feeling particularly ornery this week:
Cardinals at Vikings
It should be interesting to see what offensive schemes the Cards have cooked up, what with how to figure out who’s doing what while Jared Allen is being quadruple-teamed. Think I’m exaggerating? I read that erstwhile Arizona starting QB Kevin Kolb had a number of his ribs separated from his sternum last week! Now that is some piss-poor protection. I just hope that John “Nuke” Skelton doesn’t get killed in the noisy Metrodome. No, really. Winner: Vikings
Washington at Giants
I can think of plenty of reasons to pick Washington in this one. RGIII is a handful, and if he tires out New York’s front four from chasing him around, then that will expose the lack of depth the Giants have at LB and DB. Also, the Giants are coming off a huge, “statement” game against the 49ers, and are due for a letdown. The thing is, if I know this, then you can bet that crafty old codger Coughlin knows it too. Winner: Giants
Cowboys at Panthers
Yes, I gleefully rip the Cowboys, because Jerry Jones gets on my nerves. If he’s such a fucking expert on coaching and personnel, he should just take over completely. Jason Garrett was a decent coach once, but too much time trying to work with Jerry’s hand up his ass has turned him into a wimp who can’t make basic decisions or manage the clock effectively. Too bad, since Romo’s practically killing himself out there trying to win with Dez “I’m too talented to work hard or even be in goddamn shape” Bryant being shoved down his throat. Rant over. Fortunately, the ‘boys are playing against sulky Cam Newton this week. Somewhere along the way, the Camster started to believe the hype about him, that he could win by himself. When did he start thinking that he needed to? Maybe it was when he looked at his receivers. And his head coach. And the defence. It was worth a try. Winner: Cowboys
Titans at Bills
Tough, tough game to pick. The Bills defence showed some life last week, but it was against the Cardinals (see above), while the Titans ground out a win against a Steelers team that should probably just change its logo to a red cross. I think that the Bills’ offence is just a bit more capable here, so with that and home-field… Winner: Bills
Saints at Buccaneers
Another tough one. On coaching, I’d go with the Bucs against the leaderless Sinners. New Orleans will probably get some kind of emotional boost from having Jonathan “It wasn’t me” Vilma back this week, they’ll come out smoking, and maybe even be able to hold on for the win for a change. On a side note, what are the chances that maverick Bucs’ coach Greg Schiano offers an incentive to whomever knocks Vilma out with a crackback block? Perhaps he could offer them some of Warren Sapp’s art. Winner: Saints
Packers at Rams
So, basically what happened last week is that Aaron Rodgers went to Houston, stepped on the field, and gave a big “fuck you” to everyone who has been talking and writing about the Packers’ demise this season. Well-done, sir. Now put your cleat on the Rams’ collective throat and keep it there until they roll over and show their belly. Winner: Packers
Ravens at Texans
It’s going to be weird watching the Ravens defence play without Ray Lewis in the middle. It’ll be weird for the Ravens, too. With all of their injuries on defence, Baltimore will have to rely on Joe Flacco to win games for them. That’s not good. The sensational Double-J Watt will be in Flacco’s nightmares for a while after this game. I expect a fiery game from the Texans this week, after they got owned by Aaron Rodgers and Co. last week. The Texans know that all eyes are on them, wondering if they’re a legitimate contender, so they’d better be able to handle their business this week. The stink of a loss to the wounded Ravens won’t wash away easily. Winner: Texans
Browns at Colts
The Browns stunned the Bengals last week, while the Colts predictably lost on the road to the desperate Jets. I like the Colts’ offence a lot more at home, where their very good rookie QB Andrew Luck can have a better chance of finding his rhythm in front of a friendly crowd. Winner: Colts
Jets at Patriots
I read today that Rex Ryan said that he had Tim Tebow playing Tom Brady on the scout team offence this week in practice. So, I expect that the Jets’ defence will do everything backwards on Sunday, because Tebow is a southpaw. In other words, the Jets’ CBs will look like Pats’ CB Devin McCourty does every week. I’m going to miss watching New England’s WRs get mauled on Gilligan’s Island (or whatever they used to call it) without “Little Buddy” Revis getting flagged. Tom Brady won’t miss it, though, or much else I suspect. Winner: Patriots
Jaguars at Raiders
It’s always dangerous playing the Jags. There’s always the danger that your team will become overconfident and make a bunch of mistakes. It’s worse to BE the Jags, though. Winner: Raiders
Steelers at Bengals
It’s no secret that I’ve been nursing a serious crush on the Bengals this season. However, they have still not figured out how to fix their problems on defence, and now Andy Dalton is starting to press and make mistakes he wasn’t making earlier in the season. This is a huge opportunity for the Bengals to make a statement against one of the most banged-up Steelers teams I can remember. If the Bengals can’t capitalize on this opportunity, then I’m breaking up with them. Winner: Bengals
Monday Night
Lions at Bears
The Bears are among the elite teams in the league. They have a balanced offence, a QB who can take over a game, and a top-flight defence. The Lions have serious problems on defence; they are thin at DB and LB, and their pass rush is overrated. Add to that their struggling offence, and you’ve got a very bad matchup against Chicago. I’ll be watching to see if Megatron scores a TD, doubling his total for the season <AHEMMADDENCURSEAHEM>, and to see if Nate Burleson gets a chance to pantomime a bear getting shot. Winner: Bears
RSS Feed