As far as Week 17s go, you couldn’t ask for much more excitement.

There are still quite a few games to be played that have at least the possibility of having serious playoff ramifications. Even in the AFC, where all four division winners and both wild cards have been decided, none of the division leaders have secured their playoff seeding. As for the NFC, there are so many combinations and permutations at play, it almost makes the head spin. Only four of six playoff teams are set, the NFC West title is still up for grabs, four different teams still could end up as the sixth and final playoff team, and atop it all sit the Atlanta Falcons, locked in as the least-feared number one seed in recent memory.

Before I get to the picks, here’s a look at what’s at stake:

NFC

The Packers will probably have to win to secure the two seed and a first-round bye. The 49ers jump to a two seed with a win and a Packers loss, but would slip to a five seed with a loss and Seahawks win. The Seahawks will do no worse than a fifth seed, but could switch places with the ‘niners. Washington, the Cowboys, and the Vikings all face win-and-you’re-in scenarios; Washington and the Cowboys will play for the East crown (and fourth seed) and the Vikes claim the sixth spot with a win. Washington and Minnesota could still lose and make the playoffs, Washington if the Vikes and Bears lose, and the Vikings if the Bears lose, and the Giants and Cowboys lose or tie. The Bears can make it with a win, and a Vikings’ loss. The Giants need to win, and for the Vikings, Bears, and Cowboys to lose. Oddly enough, the Cowboys can win their division, but there’s no scenario by which they can be a wild card.

AFC

The Colts and Bengals are locked in as the wild cards and fifth and sixth seeds, respectively, which leaves all the intrigue with the division winners. The Texans’ path to the number one seed is the least complicated, as they claim it with a victory no matter what else happens. The Texans would drop to number two with a loss coupled with a Broncos win, and could fall to third if they lose and the Broncs and Patriots win. The Broncos are number two with a win, number one with a win and a Texans loss, and number three with a loss and Pats win. If the Patriots win, they will jump past the Broncos or Texans if either loses, or both if both lose. If the Pats lose, they could slip to number four if the Ravens win. The Ravens can go no higher than number three, and only with a Patriots loss.

Of course, because of game times, some teams playing later will have more of an idea of what they’re playing for. As always, the best way for a team to prepare is to handle its own business, as they have no control over what happens in the other games.

Eagles at Giants

A lot of people, myself included, have been waiting for the Giants to wake up and do that “Giants” thing they do, where they suddenly start playing like champs. They’re still alive, but they just don’t seem to have it. The Eagles haven’t looked like they’ve had it all year. There’s certain to be a lot of upheaval in Philadelphia after this season concludes, and the Eagles are a last-place team, but they can still go out in a blaze of glory, and with a bit of relevance by eliminating the division-rival Giants. I see Michael Vick’s likely Philadelphia swan-song (Eagle-song?) as a spectacular one. He’s going to let it all hang out, and the result will either be that some team will make the mistake of signing him in the offseason, or he’ll make some serious mistakes and blow the game or perhaps even get himself seriously hurt. Winner: Eagles

Jets at Bills

Ugh! Mark Sanchez is getting another chance to start in this most meaningless of games. Does that mean that my personal moratorium from laughing at him can end? These two teams will be undergoing serious changes after this season. Since it doesn’t really matter, I’ll pick the team with the best player, and that would be C.J. Spiller. Winner: Bills

Ravens at Bengals

The Ravens blew their shot at a first round bye, and can now do no better than a third seed. The Bengals are coming off a big win over the Steelers, and would love to cap off their regular season with a win over another divisional rival. Cincy’s locked into the number six seed, so they should be loose. Winner: Bengals

Browns at Steelers

Nothing’s at stake here. The Browns start Thaddeus Lewis at QB. Who? Winner: Steelers

Texans at Colts

Indy, like the Bengals, is locked into their playoff seeding, and should be loose. A Texans loss would likely cost them a first round bye, as the Broncos and Patriots are heavy favourites in their games. Expect the Colts to play hard, but the Texans need to bounce back after a rough outing against the Vikings last week. JJ Watt has a shot at breaking Michael Strahan’s single season sack record, the one that was tainted when some a-hole laid down for him to let him break Mark Gastineau’s record. I hope Watt gets it; he’s been the best defensive player in the NFL this season, and deserves serious consideration as league MVP. Winner: Texans

Jaguars at Titans

Of the meaningless games this week, this one has to be the dud of duds. I wonder how many of each team’s fans even care about this one. Winner: Jaguars

Bears at Lions

This game is early, so the Bears will still be in the playoff hunt. They should be able to handle their business against the Lions. There’s little that I can say about the Lions that I haven’t already said. They should fire head coach Jim Schwartz and defensive Coordinator Gunther Cunningham before some really good talent gets wasted any further. Winner: Bears

Panthers at Saints

The Panthers, and Cam Newton, have been playing better of late, but they’ll end the season on a sour note when they get blown out by angry Saints. Winner: Saints

Buccaneers at Falcons

The Bucs’ play has really dropped off towards the end of the season. The Falcons have nothing to play for, but certainly would like to end the season with a win. Atlanta’s high-powered passing attack should shred the Bucs’ defence. The Falcons, with a first round bye, can afford to play hard, but they will have to be careful, as a serious injury to Julio Jones, Roddy White, or Tony Gonzales would be disastrous to their chances for success in the playoffs. Winner: Falcons

Cardinals at 49ers

San Fran got their heads handed to them by the Seahawks last week, and will take it out on the Cards this week, who are starting their fourth different QB this season, Brian Hoyer. Winner: 49ers

Packers at Vikings

This is a great matchup with lots at stake. The Vikes have the defence to give Green bay all it can handle, plus they have Adrian Peterson. This is a big game, and I can’t pick against the best QB in the NFL with so much on the line. Winner: Packers

Dolphins at Patriots

By the time this one starts, the Pats should know where they stand in the playoff seeding. The Dolphins always play the Patriots tough, but this one won’t be close. Winner: Patriots

Raiders at Chargers

With Carson Palmer starting at QB, I’d give the Raiders the edge. Terrelle Pryor will get a look behind center for Oakland, though, and with nothing at stake, it should be an interesting debut. The Chargers under Norv Turner excel in meaningless games. Winner: Chargers

Chiefs at Broncos

With a win, the Broncos assure themselves of no worse than the second seed and a first round bye. It would have been nice to see Denver face some stiffer competition for their closer, especially since their winning streak, while impressive, has been fattened by a lot of weak teams. For example, this will be their second win against the Chiefs, and fifth against inferior AFC West opposition, since the streak began. Winner: Broncos

Rams at Seahawks

Seattle will know whether they have a shot at the NFC West title, or whether they’re locked in as the number five seed. Either way, they won’t have much trouble dispatching the Rams. Winner: Seahawks

Sunday Night

Cowboys at Washington (D.C.)

Once again, the Cowboys are in the final game of the season in a game they have to win. Washington will enter the game knowing either that they have secured a playoff spot, or that they need to win. Either way, they’d much prefer to win the division and start the playoffs at home next week. I’ve gone back and forth over this one. The key for me is baggage. The Cowboys carry all kinds of baggage, with their reputation (earned) of coming up short and making mistakes in big moments. Washington QB Sir Robert Griffin the Third has performed spectacularly this season, coming up huge again and again. He has no baggage. I think that a prime time game, the last of the season, is the perfect place for this season’s biggest new star to shine his brightest. Winner: Washington (D.C.)

Welcome to Week 16 in the NFL. With but two weeks left in the season, picking games becomes a question of motivation. At this stage of the game, with the playoff picture becoming much clearer, and with individual stats reaching levels where records and incentives are within reach, teams are playing for different reasons. Some teams have already clinched playoff spots, and are playing for a better seeding, or perhaps even for a coveted first-round bye. Other teams are playing for their playoff lives, some of which control their own destiny, while others need other teams need certain results in other games as well as to win their own (Believe it or not, the Miami Dolphins can still make the playoffs; all they need to do is win their last two games… and for the Bengals to lose their last two… and for the Steelers to lose to the Browns in week 17 after beating the Bengals… and for the Jets to lose at least one of their last two games… piece of cake, right?). Some teams are out of the running for playoffs, and as a result, their motivations change as well. Some of these also-rans have players who are approaching records, while others just want to end a down season on a positive note. Some teams may use this remaining time to evaluate new talent or to give lesser-used players a look, which can result in some very highly-motivated players who are playing for their future NFL lives. It’s a lot to think about.

Take the Saturday night contest between the Atlanta Falcons and the Detroit Lions. The Falcons entered the game with a playoff spot already secure, but with an opportunity to clinch home-field advantage through the playoffs. They would be extra motivated by the chance to rest key players in week 17, as they would then have nothing to play for. The Lions are limping towards the end of a disappointing season. A surprise playoff team last season with a lot of young talent, the Lions had high expectations entering this season. They entered this game 4-10, and out of the playoffs, but with WR Calvin Johnson within range of Jerry Rice’s record for receiving yards in a season.

The results were predictable. The Falcons played efficiently on offence, particularly in the passing game, against Detroit’s terrible secondary, while on defence, they did as many teams have done this season; allowed Megatron his catches and yards, while keeping him from beating them. The Lions did what they had to do to please their home fans in a game they had no business winning; they threw the ball to Johnson, early and often. In all, Lions QB Matt Stafford attempted 56 passes (as he approaches 700 attempts for the season), throwing for 443 yards, but no TDs. In the end, both teams got what they needed; the Falcons got their clinching win, and the Detroit fans got to witness a record-breaking performance by their best player.

Such is life as the end of the regular season approaches.

Titans at Packers

The Titans have very little to play for at this point. The Packers, on the other hand, should be highly motivated here. Although the Pack have already won their division, they still have an outside shot at a first-round bye. Also, it’s been an up and down year for them, due mostly to a slew of injuries to key players. The Packers are working to get into a good rhythm now, hoping to repeat their success from two seasons ago, when they overcome similar adversity, got hot at the end of the season, and ripped through the playoffs on their way to a Super Bowl championship. Winner: Packers

Bills at Dolphins

Even if they win, the Dolphins are a huge long-shot to make the playoffs. The Bills are looking to end a disappointing season on a high note. It’s a close matchup, but I like Miami’s defence. Winner: Dolphins

Raiders at Panthers

Raiders’ QB Carson Palmer has played reasonably well this year, and he has good numbers, but the lack of a running attack, and the team’s defensive liabilities, have translated into a bad season. They may be looking at opening things up this week to evaluate the talent. The Panthers had their high-hopes dashed by a poor season as well, but have come on offensively of late. This has the potential of being a fun game to watch, if you like a lot of offence. Winner: Panthers

Chargers at Jets

One headline I saw this week said, “Sanchez Will Be Number Two This Sunday.” I couldn’t figure out why this was news, as he plays like number two every week. Then I read that he would be the backup to Greg McElroy. Insert your own ass joke here. And speaking of asses, Philip Rivers. I don’t think you could pay me to watch this game. Winner: Jets

Vikings at Texans

Lots going on in this game. The Vikes atill have a shot at the postseason, but they need to win both of their remaining games, plus they need to rely on other teams for help. Houston is in a similar situation to the Atlanta; a win secures them home-field advantage throughout the playoffs, with the chance to rest players in week 17. Thus far, the Texans have been consistently excellent, on offence and defence. The only teams that have given their defence significant trouble have been the Packers and the Patriots. The Vikings don’t have an elite offence with multiple weapons like the Pack and the Pats. However, they do have Adrian Peterson. Almost exactly a year ago, Peterson tore his ACL. That he is playing now is remarkable. That he is playing at a high level is amazing. I do not believe that anyone imagined that he would come back as strong as he has, though. He is nearing 2000 rushing yards on the season, and has a shot at the single-season record, which is borderline miraculous. The Vikings, with AP, and their defence, have a better than decent chance to pull an upset. It should be close. Winner: Texans

Bengals at Steelers

So, here we are, Bengals. It’s been an up-and-down year. You’ve thrilled me. You’ve disappointed me. You won me back with that huge win over the Giants in Week 10. This is where you need to be, in Pittsburgh, with a chance to put a dagger in the Steelers’ black hearts and earn, EARN a playoff spot. Keep it simple early, ride out the early nerves, let the talent take over. It’s right there. Winner: Bengals

Patriots at Jaguars

The Jags haven’t played a meaningful game all season. The Pats still have a shot at a first-round bye. I have a feeling that New England would be happy just getting out of this game without any catastrophic injuries. Winner: Patriots

Colts at Chiefs

These were two of last season’s worst teams. The Colts are on their way to the playoffs. The Chiefs have known for a while that they are not. Winner Colts

Saints at Cowboys

The Saints keep presenting themselves as victims of some sort of horrible injustice. It’s been their motivation for most of this season. Whatever. I’ve enjoyed each one of their losses. Having said that, their offence is still explosive. I have to think that the Cowboys, a better team overall, and playing for their playoff lives, will prevail. I’d certainly enjoy another Saints’ loss. Winner: Cowboys

Washington (D.C.) at Eagles

I can’t think of a single reason why the Eagles would even care. They are the poster team for disappointment. RGIII and Co., surprisingly, are in the hunt for the NFC East Title. Winner: Washington (D.C.)

Rams at Buccaneers

The Rams are even a longer shot for the playoffs than the Dolphins. The explosive Bucs have been accused of a few things this season, but they play hard, and they have an explosive offence. Winner: Buccaneers

Browns at Broncos

Surprise, surprise, the Browns are playing out the string. Meanwhile, the Broncos survived a brutal early schedule to be in position now for a possible first-round bye. Denver keeps rolling. Winner: Broncos

Giants at Ravens

A month ago, both these teams looked like locks to win their respective divisions. The Ravens, though they have been mediocre at best lately, are at least in the playoffs, based on their early-season success. The Giants, meanwhile, are under sufficient pressure in their division and the conference that they may not even make the playoffs. They have to beat the Ravens, so they will. Winner: Giants

Bears at Cardinals

The Bears are another team that was riding high a month ago, only to hit a rough patch. Now they need to win out and get help to make the playoffs. Fortunately, they play the awful Cards this week. Winner: Bears

49ers at Seahawks

A lot has been said about the fact that the Seahawks have scored over 50 points in each of their last two games. The first of these was against a dreadful Arizona team that turned the ball over 8 times, while the second was against a Bills team that was playing a “home” game in Toronto, that turned the ball over on its first three possessions of the game, and which pretty much gave up after that. When you step up in weight class, you get hit a lot harder. The Cards and Bills are lightweights. Winner: 49ers

No lengthy intro this week. I’ve done something a bit different this time out. Teams can wear patches, have moments of silence. I can do this.

On Friday, I hugged my daughter, who is home from university for the holidays, and told her I loved her, with just a little bit of extra emphasis. I sent my other daughter, who works in Alberta, a message telling her I loved her and that I am grateful that she is alive and well.

I’m still a bit raw, hurt, and angry, as I imagine a lot of people are. But, damn it all to hell, I am going to enjoy some football this week. Life is for the living to enjoy.

That doesn’t mean that I have to forget, though.

Vikings at Rams

The Adrian Peterson express is coming to town. Opposing teams know he’s getting the ball, but still he runs wild on them. Between that, and Jared Allen chasing Sam Bradford around, it’ll be a long day for the Rams. Winner: Vikings

On January 7th, 2010, a man carrying an AK-47, handguns, and a shotgun, killed three people, injured five others, and committed suicide at the ABB Power Plant in St. Louis.

Buccaneers at Saints

Apparently, the way to beat the Bucs is to throw, throw, throw. That’s your cue, Drew. Winner: Saints

On April 14th, 2003, two men armed with an AK-47, and a semi-automatic pistol, shot and killed a 15-year-old and wounded three others at John McDonogh High School in New Orleans.

Giants at Falcons

I’ve seen this game before. The all-guts Giants vs. the gutless Falcons. The Giants, when the season is on the line, usually play like it. Winner: Giants

After bludgeoning his wife and children to death the night before, on July 27, 1999, a man went to his workplace at an investment house in Atlanta, pulled out two pistols, and killed four people. He then walked to another building and killed five more. He committed suicide before police could apprehend him.

Packers at Bears

Chicago, sadly, is running out of gas. Their defence, ravaged by injuries, can’t hang in for 60 minutes against a good offence, while the lack of protection for Jay Cutler is wearing him down. Green Bay’s season has been similar, but somehow they seem to make it work. Having the best QB in the game can do that. Winner: Packers

In Chicago, which of late has resembled a war zone, 19 people were shot overnight on August 23/24, 2012.

Washington (D.C.) at Browns

No RGIII, plus a tough Browns defence, equals a, low-scoring battle. Winner: Browns

On October 10th, 2007, a 14-year-old student of Success Tech Academy in Cleveland entered the school with two handguns, shot two students and two teachers, then committed suicide.

Colts at Texans

The Colts are better than anyone thought they would be this season, but they’re still not good enough to beat a Texans team that will be looking to re-assert themselves after they were treated so roughly by those nasty Pats on Monday night. Winner: Texans

On March 30th, 2011, at a girls’ football game at Worthing High School in Houston, two men shot and killed a man and wounded five others.

Broncos at Ravens

This Ravens team just isn’t that good. The Broncos are, better than the Ravens on offence and defence. Winner: Broncos

On July 27, 2012, Baltimore police, acting on a tip that a man calling himself “joker” had threatened to blow everybody up at his former workplace, went to the man’s home, where they discovered 15 firearms and several thousand rounds of ammunition. Police admitted that they were suspicious because of the recent shootings in Aurora, Colorado. (Score one for the good guys)

Jaguars at Dolphins

This will be Jags’ QB Chad Henne’s triumphant return to Miami, which should inspire him to turn the ball over at least thrice, for old time’s sake. True to form, the Dolphins will convert these gifts into FGs. The extra boost should be enough. Winner: Dolphins

On March 31st, 2012, gunmen killed two and wounded 14 mourners outside a Miami funeral home.

Lions at Cardinals

I’m not saying that the Lions aren’t dumb, poorly-coached, and undisciplined, but they’d have to sink to unimaginable levels to lose to this Cards team. Winner: Lions

On May 2nd, 2012, in Greater Metropolitan Phoenix, a man shot and killed his 47-year-old girlfriend, her 23-year-old daughter, and the daughter’s fiancée and 15-month-old daughter, then committed suicide.

Panthers at Chargers

I’m still a bit dumbfounded that the Chargers were able to beat Pittsburgh so handily last week. I’m calling it a fluke. Cam Newton, who all of a sudden is good again in the eyes of the attention-span-of-a-gnat sports media (I kept the faith, Cam), will give the Bolts all they can handle this week. Winner: Panthers

On January 1st, 2012, in San Diego, a Navy pilot shot and killed his friend, the friend’s sister, and another man, then committed suicide.

Seahawks at Bills (kind of)

This one’s indoors in Toronto, as opposed to frigid Buffalo, which should suit Seattle just fine. All the Seahawks have to do is not let CJ Spiller kill them. Winner: Seahawks

On July 16th, in Toronto, two people were shot dead and another 23 were wounded at a neighbourhood barbecue.(Canada’s not immune to the madness, folks)

Steelers at Cowboys

A battle between two desperate teams. Pittsburgh needs the win, knowing that the Bengals held serve on Thursday, while Dallas may have a fairly good idea of the Giants/Falcons outcome by kickoff. I’d like the Cowboys’ chances a lot better if Dez Bryant was 100%. Winner: Steelers

On Christmas Day, 2011, in a Dallas suburb, a man dressed as Santa and armed with two handguns, killed his wife, daughter, son, and his wife’s sister, brother-in-law, and niece, then committed suicide.

Chiefs at Raiders

Both of these teams are out of the playoff hunt, but at least Oakland will start a competent QB. Winner: Raiders

On April 2nd, 2012, a former student at Oikos University in Oakland entered a classroom armed with a .45 caliber semi-automatic handgun, lined students against the wall, and fired, killing seven and wounding three.

49ers at Patriots

The Pats are playing the game of the week, at night, against one of the top teams in the league, just like last week. Their opponent has a top-notch defence, and a balanced offence paced by an effective running game, just like last week. Guess what else is going to be like last week? Winner: Patriots

On August 12th, 2012, in a Boston suburb, four women were shot as they sat in a parked car. Three died.

Monday Night

Jets at Titans

Bleh. Winner: Titans

On Saturday, December 15th, 2012, just one day after the horrible tragedy in Connecticut, two police officers in Memphis were shot while executing a search warrant. One officer died.

And on it goes.

Bengals at Eagles

The Eagles squeaked out a victory against the Bucs last week, then celebrated like they won the World Series (Before anyone cries foul, The Phillies are the only Philadelphia team to have won a major championship in 30 years, and I can’t imagine Eagles’ fans getting stoked about all the Steelers’ and Giants’ recent successes, so really, what is the city’s point of reference, besides Rocky Balboa, the Phantoms, and Roller Derby?). The Eagles’ successful strategy was to have Rookie QB Nick Foles throw it 51 times against the Bucs’ lousy secondary. That won’t work against Cincinnati.

Ah, the Bengals. They continued with their troubling pattern of coming up small when the biggest opportunities present themselves. By all rights, they should have beaten the Cowboys last week, but they made mistakes at crucial moments when they had a chance to put Dallas away, especially with key drops on offence (especially AJ Green dropping a sure TD) and defence (three dropped INTs, including one late by Terence Newman). With the Steelers losing last week, the Bengals missed a golden opportunity to jump ahead in the race for the final wild card spot.

This is another one of those games which the talented young Bengals should win. Their pass-rush should be able to pressure Foles into making mistakes, mistakes which the rest of the defence must not fail to capitalize on, while their offence should have little trouble moving the ball and controlling the clock. Not to get too far ahead of myself, but it looks like Cincy is headed for a winner-take-all showdown with Pittsburgh for that coveted last playoff berth. If that big game comes to pass, will Bengals fans be watching through their fingers?

Winner: Bengals

Last week, dear friend and loyal reader Chad from New York had this to say about my most recent picks column, where I excoriated the media (and specifically, sub-amateur philosopher Peter King) for its typical serial short-sightedness: “While reading your column I found myself going ‘Oooohhhhh!’, as though watching a vicious yet deserved beating of an idiot who had been blatantly begging for one.” I consider this the highest of praise, and couldn’t resist sharing it.

After the events of the past week involving NFL players, and the resulting media response, I was ready to dish out some serious written beat-downs this week. As the week went on, I got more and more upset. By the time I heard that murder victim Kasandra Perkins’s funeral was being held on December 6th (a very special day here in Canada when we pause to remember 14 women murdered at a university in Montreal), I was ready to unleash a serious stream of righteous anger on the NFL, the sports media, the NRA, gun culture, and anything else that was in my path.

Then, a funny thing happened; my internet, cable, and phone went out. I was unplugged.

I was too busy, with work and other things, to do much about my sudden lack of connectivity. As a result, I was forced into a kind of remove from the situations that were aggravating me. To be honest, it was liberating. I had already consumed too much information this week from people and organizations having some kind of agenda to promote. My only agenda is truth. In the NFL, the games, the playing of the games, is the truth. So, I’m limiting my focus, just for this week, to the games.

Now, before we get to the picks, here’s a little interactive for you:

The State of California plays host to three NFL teams, as does Florida. Ohio, Texas, Missouri, and Pennsylvania can each lay claim to two NFL franchises. There are only two other states which can honestly say that two teams play their home games there. What are the two states? (Hint: I thought of this when I noticed that one team was playing a road game in the same state, a mere 52 km down the highway from their home stadium.) Answers should be submitted as comments on the column, and all correct answerers get a shout-out in next week’s Best Picks Column in the World.

Falcons at Panthers

Atlanta will continue to roll towards securing the number one seed in the NFC this week, earning a first-round playoff bye, and thus delaying their inevitable playoff defeat by a week. Winner: Falcons

Bears at Vikings

This is the first of two matchups this week between NFC North rivals in which a banged-up top contender faces a divisional also-ran. With all their injuries, especially on defence, this is a bad time for the Bears to have to deal with Adrian Peterson. This will be closer than it should be. Winner: Bears

Jets at Jaguars

The Jets may have no shot at the playoffs, but they still beat teams like the Jags. You bet your ass they do, right Sanchez? Winner: Jets

Titans at Colts

The Colts should be able to score a bunch of points against the Titans’ defence, especially with how much they like the throw. The Titans won’t be able to keep pace on offence. Winner: Colts

Chargers at Steelers

Say what you want about the Steelers, but they keep on winning, despite a seemingly endless parade of key players to the injury report. Not too many observers thought they had much of a chance against the Ravens last week without Ben Roethlisberger, but they pulled it out. I don’t like the Chargers, but I love watching them play, because they stink, and I love seeing Philip Rivers make that pissy-pants face. Winner: Steelers

Chiefs at Browns

In a week full of games that don’t mean much, this one means the least much. Look for the Browns’ defence to smother the Chiefs. Winner: Browns

Ravens at Washington (D.C.)

The Ravens’ defence gets to experience the terror that is trying to stop RGIII, possibly without Terrell Suggs. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have no faith in Joe Flacco. Winner: Washington (D.C.)

Eagles at Buccaneers

The Bucs are still in the playoff hunt, while the Eagles are in the hunt for a high draft pick next year. I don’t see how Philly’s offence keeps pace in this one. Winner: Buccaneers

Cowboys at Bengals

The Bengals have put together a nice winning streak to salvage their playoff hopes, but with the Steelers facing an easier schedule to end the season, Cincy can’t afford to falter now. The Bengals’ dynamic pass rushers need to get after Tony Romo, while the rest of the defence needs to be patient and avoid big plays, especially from a hot Dez Bryant. And, on a personal note, another week of hearing from a bunch of blowhard commentators about the heroes who led their team to victory through tragedy would be more than I could stand. Please win this one for my sanity, Cincinnati. Winner: Bengals

Rams at Bills

Two more teams going nowhere this season, but the Bills’ weapons on offence will help them prevail in this one. Winner: Bills

Dolphins at 49ers

After his dynamic debut against the Bears, ‘niners’ QB Colin Kaepernick made some costly rookie errors last week against the Rams. With the Dolphins’ anaemic offence facing San Fran’s tough defence, Kaepernick shouldn’t have to do much to prevail in this one. Winner: 49ers

Cardinals at Seahawks

As the season progresses, this steadily improving Seattle team is becoming tougher to beat. Rookie QB Russell Wilson seems to have all the tools, and he is gaining confidence every week. In this game, their defence should have little difficulty containing what passes for offence by the Cards. Winner: Seahawks

Saints at Giants

Hmmmm… Let’s see… December… Dallas and Washington (D.C.) nipping at their heels…  coming off a tough divisional loss on Monday night… facing Drew Brees and the explosive Saints offence… That’s a lot of pressure for one team to handle. Sounds about right to me. Winner: Giants

Lions at Packers

If the Packers don’t start getting healthy soon, they’re not going to go very far come playoff time. Significant losses on the defensive side of the ball should ensure a high offensive output by the pass-happy Lions. It’s hard to pick against Aaron Rodgers, though, when he’s facing the Lions’ secondary, no matter who he’s throwing to. I’ll be continuing my close observation of Ndamukong Suh in this one. I have some theories that I’m exploring regarding his behaviour. I think there’s something seriously wrong with him. Winner: Packers

Monday Night

Texans at Patriots

 This is easily the most intriguing matchup of the week. The Texans look like the best, most balanced team in the AFC, highly efficient on both sides of the ball. The Patriots, to no one’s surprise, have the most potent offence in the league, which includes, to the surprise of many, an effective running game. This game will be a huge measuring stick for each team. It’s also represents the best chance the Pats have at gaining ground in the race for the number one seed in the AFC. My main concerns for this game are how banged up the Patriots are, particularly on defence, and how well the Pats deal with JJ Watt, arguably the most disruptive defensive player in the NFL. This is a tough call. Winner: Patriots

What a week! I’ve been champing at the bit, trying to find the time to sit down and write this bloody column. It seems that every bit of NFL news I hear this week has been designed specifically to piss me off, but I have not been able to find the time to sit and vent about any of it. Between the idiotic actions and words of various players and coaches, some head-scratching decisions by the league, and my continued frustration with the media who cover it all, I’m so full of venom that my brain has been poisoned almost to the point of insanity. To be honest, if I wrote about everything that’s been bugging me this week, I don’t know when I’d stop. Hell, I started thinking about the latest misadventures of possible sociopath Ndamukong Suh, and I knew that I would have an entire column right there (stay tuned). However, here at the Best Picks Column in the World, I know not to overdo it, and that the key to showmanship is to always leave the audience wanting more.

So, that Jay Cutler is pretty good, isn’t he? And he’s incredibly valuable to his team, so much so that the Bears find it extremely difficult to win without him. I read this in many different places this week, as Cutler returned to action to lead Chicago to a convincing win over the Vikings, stopping the Bears’ two-game losing streak. How did the media finally break the story of Cutler’s value? “Since the beginning of the 2010 season, the Bears are 27-9 with Jay Cutler at quarterback, 1-8 with anyone else,” wrote Gregg Easterbrook at ESPN. “In the last three years, in games Cutler both started and finished, the Bears are 26-9. In games Cutler either missed entirely or was knocked out because of an injury in the first half, the Bears are 1-8,” crowed Mike Florio at ProFootballTalk. “Jay Cutler… means everything in Chicago. No, seriously. Everything. Look it up,” said Don Banks of Sports Illustrated (sly devil, he). “I used to be a good QB in this league, and I’m smart and I know stuff and pay attention to me,” drawled Phil Simms, to no one in particular. On it went, numbers, numbers, numbers. Then I read this, from November 26, 2011, after Cutler went down with a broken thumb:

Having watched Chicago play several times this season, I understand how important Jay Cutler was to what they were doing on offence. I’ve heard a lot of talk this week about how he’s not the Bears’ best player on offence, and how they shouldn’t experience much of a drop-off with Caleb Hanie under center. Don’t believe it. I’ve watched Cutler, week after week, make throws that few other QBs, if any, could make. You just don’t move on from that.

And this, from December 8, 2011, discussing the Packers, then 12-0:

I thought that the Bears had the best shot to beat them, but that was before Jay Cutler’s injury.

Then I found more, from the same writer, from this season:

The Bears were playing some of the best football in the league last year when Jay Cutler broke his thumb… (09/05)

I feel like I’m the only one who can remember how well the Bears were playing last season up until Jay Cutler’s thumb injury… (09/13)

Just last week, this same guy wrote about Cutler, before the Bears hosted the Vikings, “He’d better keep his head up with Jared Allen on the field, because if Cutler gets hurt again, the Bears’ playoff chances may go the same way as last season.” Now, I’m not saying this guy’s a genius (he is), but he scooped the mainstream sports media by about a year, because he actually watches the games.

Meanwhile, in other Detroit Lions news not related to (or is it?) the possibly inevitable Ndamukong Suh game-related murder charge, boy that Jim Schwartz is one dumb SOB, isn’t he? Mere weeks after Falcons coach Mike Smith made the mistake of throwing a challenge flag on an automatically reviewable play (and thereby, as the rules state, incurring a 15-yard penalty and causing the play not to be reviewed at all), and only a year after Schwartz himself mocked Jim Harbaugh for making the same mistake, the Lions’ head coach threw a challenge flag after a Houston TD that obviously should not have counted. The subsequent non-review (again, according to the rules) proved disastrous, as the Lions went on to lose to the Texans in OT.

Naturally, the media lost its collective shit over this incident. There were numerous calls to have the rule changed, with some outlets opining that the league should not even wait until the season is over to do so. Naturally, my favourite reaction came from the Grand Poobah of NFL columnists, and apparently the Best Picks Column in the World’s chief whipping-boy, Peter King at Sports Illustrated. Petey devoted practically his entire Game Plan column (way more room than he devotes to coffee AND beer in his weekly MMQB column) this week to making an impassioned plea (including the always impressive mention of “an NFL source…ooooh!)  to the league to stop the madness immediately and change this awful rule. The best part was this paragraph:

Here's my big problem with the system: Replay is on the books to correct obviously wrong calls. The Forsett touchdown run should have been reversed, clearly. The reason it wasn't is because of a ticky-tack rule that might have sounded good when it was written, but clearly doesn't work in principal. The NFL has to be embarrassed that some silly procedural rule made a mockery of a national TV game, which, of course, it did. The sentence doesn't fit the crime. You're throwing a jaywalker in jail for 18 months instead of giving him a $50 ticket.

Well, Mr. King, allow me to retort.

In his column, King admits that the rule regarding illegally-thrown challenge flags is on the books, and he explains in detail why the rule was made. Then he says that the rule “made a mockery of a national TV game.” (This from one of the chief apologists for the league during the replacement refs fiasco, until he wasn’t, and during a game where Ndamukong Suh intentionally kicked Texans QB Matt Schaub) King says that, “The Forsett touchdown run should have been reversed,” when what he should have written was that it “would” have been reversed, because the league has a mechanism in place to ensure that scoring plays get reviewed. The league didn’t throw the challenge flag; Schwartz did, and he admitted his mistake. It’s a rule that has already received publicity this season, that, as I mentioned previously, Schwartz was aware of enough to bust Jim Harbaugh’s balls last season, and that, according to Arizona head coach Ken Whisenhunt, officials “(tell) you before the game on turnovers and scoring plays you can’t throw the flag.” And, as for the jaywalking analogy, you shouldn’t make blanket statements like that. If a man runs across a busy highway, potentially risking his own life and causing an accident which could result in the deaths of others, well, if I’m the judge, I know which way I’m leaning, especially if I see evidence of him witnessing, and subsequently mocking, someone breaking the same law. I think that Peter King should avoid the amateur philosophy, and stick to football. Oh, and maybe watch some of the games, first.

Oh, and in the spirit of Columbo, just one more thing. During a Monday night game on October 8th, Texans LB Brian Cushing had his knee destroyed by a questionable, though legal block by the Jets Matt Slauson. Slauson was fined for the hit, Cushing had surgery and is out for the season, and the league is planning to review whether such blocks should be made illegal in order to protect players from injury. Peter King’s reaction to the situation, the day after and in the week following the Cushing injury: silence.

Seahawks at Bears

That Jay Cutler, he’s pretty good (just ask anybody), but he’s going to have a difficult time finding his favourite target Brandon Marshall this week, since the league hasn’t been able to keep those two tweakers in the ‘hawks secondary out of this game. LB Lance Briggs and CB Charles Tillman are playing, which will help all involved in the Chicago effort tremendously. Winner: Bears

Vikings at Packers

The Packers are an extremely troubling team right now. Aaron Rodgers and his talented receiving corps make any Green Bay game a possible blowout, but the team’s suspect offensive line and injury-riddled defence are becoming increasingly more difficult to overcome. This pick is less about what I think, and more about the fact that I just can’t pick against the best QB in the NFL at home against a division rival. Winner: Packers

Texans at Titans

No doubt the Texans enjoyed their mini-bye after playing two overtime games in four days last week. Amazingly enough, they pulled out wins in those, looking less like the losers and also-rans of seasons past and more like a battle-tested group of veterans. Even if Houston’s defence has difficulty making up for its missing injured players this week, they still should be able to outscore a Titans team that has a generous defence, and which is probably starting to wake up to the possibility that Jake Locker may not be the long-term answer at QB. Winner: Texans

Patriots at Dolphins

This is a bad matchup for this particular Dolphins team. Miami’s offence thrives on the running game, and playing mistake-free football, but it is going against a Pats’ defence that stuffs the run and loves to force turnovers (having Aqib Talib patrolling the secondary for the Pats must make the other AFC contenders sag a little). New England’s offence is what it is, which lately means translates into lots of points. Winner: Patriots

Jaguars at Bills

As recently as last week, I would have had a difficult time imagining picking the Jags, especially on the road. However, since Chad Henne was forced into starting duties at QB, the Jags’ offence has perked up; Henne threw for over 300 yards and 4 TDs while scaring the crap out of the Texans two weeks back, then followed that up with a victory over the Titans. Bills’ RB CJ Spiller continues his electrifying play, and he should find ample room to work his magic this week as well. I just like the way the Jags have come alive, and I think that they can do just enough to squeak one out. Winner: Jaguars

Colts at Lions

Keep your heads on a swivel, Colts. There's a very dangerous man in your midst, he will hurt you (and lie about it later), and he can't control himself. Matt Stafford should have a big day against the Colts’ secondary. Ditto Andrew Luck, Lions’ secondary. High-scoring game here, for sure. Winner: Lions

Panthers at Chiefs

I have no pick for this game.

Cardinals at Jets

Butt-Sanchez. Asschez. Asschize. Crackchez. Quarterbutt. Tackled by a behind behind the line of scrimmage. Running a buttleg play. Crackback-buttcrack block. “End ZONE! I said End ZONE!” Oh Mark Sanchez, don’t ever leave us. Fortunately for the Jets, the Cards stink. Oh, and no more Fireman Ed, even after I paid tribute to him last week. Now there’s a real asshole. Winner: Jets

49ers at Rams

San Fran is playing too well right now, particularly since Colin Kaepernick took over at QB after Jim Harbaugh hit Alex Smith with a blackjack in the parking lot after practice two weeks ago. Speaking of Kaepernick, check out this article by a delightful curmudgeon who longs for those halcyon days when life was simpler and QBs weren’t quite so…  how shall I put this… not white. Of course, he’s not a racist. He’s not. No, really. Just ask him. Please, ask him. Winner: 49ers

Buccaneers at Broncos

As always, I expect a spirited effort from the Bucs in this one, but the Broncos’ pass rush will drive Josh Freeman into a Rocky Mountain High-Anxiety attack, and Peyton Manning and his Mile High-flying offence will feast on the Bucs’ secondary (Did I really just write that?). Winner: Broncos

Bengals at Chargers

After years of watching Philip Rivers yell and sneer like a humongous dickhead, watching him make the face he’s been making for the past couple of seasons has given me reams of pleasure. My wife says he looks like he peed his pants, which has led to endless plays on his surname and continued glee. As long as Norv Turner and GM AJ Smith continue their exploration into finding new and more gut-wrenching ways to screw up the team, then I see no end to my enjoying old drippy-drawers scowling on the sideline. Oh, and the Bengals’ offence has caught fire at the right time. I hope they keep it up. They’re fun to watch when things are clicking. Winner: Bengals

Browns at Raiders

The Browns have been playing some tough football of late, while the Raiders’ defence has resembled a field of turnstiles. In spite of that, and because I’ve heard rumours of a possible McFadden sighting this week (he was drinking lattes with Bigfoot, who wouldn’t even stand out in the Black Hole), I’m betting (but not really) that the home team will make a stand this week. Winner: Raiders

Steelers at Ravens

It’s simple, really. As much as I don’t believe in this Ravens team, the Steelers can’t beat them without Ben Roethlisberger. Time to start shopping for a better backup QB, Pittsburgh. For next year. Winner: Ravens

Eagles at Cowboys

The Eagles are done, and they know it. The Cowboys still have hope, and are a long-shot to make the playoffs. Past Philly teams would have seen this game as an opportunity to spoil the chances of a bitter rival, but this edition of the Eagles isn’t particularly overflowing in the character department. Winner: Cowboys

Monday Night

Giants at Washington

The Giants made a huge statement last week in thumping the Packers, that being that they are still the champs, and that they can beat any team, any time. Ask the 49ers. I know what RGIII is capable of, but how do you pick against the New York Giants right now? Of course I say this knowing that they could just as easily stink up the joint on any given week, too, just to make me look bad. Winner: Giants