I had planned on doing a recap column and a picks column this week, including a piece where I address accusations that I have been unfair to the New York Giants. However, things got complicated this week, so I’ll just be putting up a picks column, since I know I’ll be super-busy for the next few days. It’s just as well that I save the Giants thing anyway, as I’m sure their fans will be upset with me again this week.
Before I get to the picks, as promised last week, I will be taking aim at some of the bad and stupid writing (when the opportunity presents itself) offered up by some of the “expert” football writers who get paid to do this for a living. (As the writer of The Best Picks Column in the World, this is not just my right, but also my responsibility.) My target this week is Peter King of Sports Illustrated (and NBC?!?), author of Monday Morning Quarterback. Good old Peter is one of those annoying columnists who slavishly depends on Passer Rating to provide some sort of evidence to back up how well or poorly he says a QB performs, which would get him into trouble often if anyone bothered to notice. For example, in this week’s “MMQB,” King spends a great deal of time praising the effort of Colts’ rookie QB Andrew Luck, breathlessly describing his stellar play in Indianapolis’s thrilling comeback victory over the Packers on Sunday (note: I saw this game, and Luck was awesome). Later in the column, King honours Luck as one of his “Offensive Players of the Week,” describing Luck’s performance (31 of 55 for 362 yards, 2TDs, 1 INT) as, “… a game you had to see to believe… (Luck’s) poise in the pocket, his ability to make plays under pressure, was that of a Brees or a Brady.” High praise indeed. In another part of the column, while discussing Chiefs’ QB Matt Cassel, King states that, “No NFL quarterback is slumping quite as badly as Cassel, who has been rated lower than 84 (which is mediocrity) in all five games of the 1-4 Chiefs start.” Now, I’m sure that you can see what’s coming next as plain as Andrew Luck’s impressive neck beard, but I’ll say it anyway; young Master Luck’s Passer Rating for his display of Brees-esque Brady-osity was a mere 81. Mediocrity Rules! That’s what you get when you’re too busy to read your own column, I guess.
Thursday Night
Steelers at Titans
The Steelers are really hurting on defence, with a number of key injuries, which could be beneficial to the Titans’ offence (including highly-paid part-time RB Chris Johnson). Fortunately for the Steelers, the Titans’ defence can’t seem to stop anyone. Not long ago, the prospect of a shootout in a Steelers-Titans game would have seemed ludicrous, but it’s a possibility here. Winner: Steelers
Sunday
Raiders at Falcons
There aren’t many teams I’d pick to beat this Falcons team at home, and the Raiders aren’t one of them. Winner: Falcons
Rams at Dolphins
The Rams are playing a better on defence. The Dolphins are playing better on defence. This game could be lower-scoring than the next Yankees-Orioles game (unless A-Rod is playing). On a side note, whenever I pick the Dolphins, they lose, and whenever I pick against them they win. I hope I’m wrong this time. Which means I’m right. Or whatever. Winner: Dolphins
Cowboys at Ravens
I hate it when the Cowboys have bad teams, because it takes something away from watching them lose. With any luck, their fans haven’t lost hope yet. Winner: Ravens
Chiefs at Buccaneers
A couple of real powerhouses here. I’ll take the Bucs defence at home. Winner: Buccaneers
Colts at Jets
The Colts are riding high after their big win last week, so no one should be surprised if they suffer a letdown this week. The Jets are struggling, and will have a lot of fight in them. A nice home win might be the perfect time for a celebratory hotdog, Fireman Ed. Winner: Jets
Bengals at Browns
Tough loss for the Bengals last week. Turnovers, and a stubborn Miami defence will do that. The Bengals should find greener pastures in Cleveland, provided they take better care of the ball. Winner: Bengals
Lions at Eagles
The Eagles’ offence has been uncharacteristically punchless, much of which is due to Michael Vick’s inability to avoid turnovers. They need to feed Shady McCoy early and often to exploit the Lions’ weak run defence. As for the Lions, they’re doing even worse than I thought they would. Winner: Eagles
Bills at Cardinals
This might be the last chance the Bills have to turn things around. If they can’t stop the Cards’ anemic offence, then they might as well give up. Winner: Bills
Patriots at Seahawks
The suddenly potent and deep Pats running attack must terrify the rest of the league. If they can be disciplined enough to avoid making mistakes due to the crowd noise, then they should roll over the Seahawks. Winner: Patriots
Giants at 49ers
No one gives the Giants much of a chance in this one, which must scare the shit out of Jim Harbaugh. I know crafty Tom Coughlin must love it. The 49ers are really good, and the Giants are hurting, so it shouldn’t matter, right? Right? <sigh> Winner: 49ers
Vikings at Washington
RGIII, as brilliant as he has been thus far, is already starting to get dinged up. Enter Jared Allen. The Vikes are hot, and Washington won’t cool them off. Winner: Vikings
Packers at Texans
The Packers are in tough; their defence isn’t getting it done, and their offence has been inconsistent. Not the best time to be facing a Texans team that seems to be doing everything right. Winner: Texans
Monday Night
Broncos at Chargers
The Broncs’ pass rush needs to step up and get pressure on Philip Rivers, force him to make mistakes. Then Peyton Manning can make them pay. Winner: Broncos
Before I get to the picks, as promised last week, I will be taking aim at some of the bad and stupid writing (when the opportunity presents itself) offered up by some of the “expert” football writers who get paid to do this for a living. (As the writer of The Best Picks Column in the World, this is not just my right, but also my responsibility.) My target this week is Peter King of Sports Illustrated (and NBC?!?), author of Monday Morning Quarterback. Good old Peter is one of those annoying columnists who slavishly depends on Passer Rating to provide some sort of evidence to back up how well or poorly he says a QB performs, which would get him into trouble often if anyone bothered to notice. For example, in this week’s “MMQB,” King spends a great deal of time praising the effort of Colts’ rookie QB Andrew Luck, breathlessly describing his stellar play in Indianapolis’s thrilling comeback victory over the Packers on Sunday (note: I saw this game, and Luck was awesome). Later in the column, King honours Luck as one of his “Offensive Players of the Week,” describing Luck’s performance (31 of 55 for 362 yards, 2TDs, 1 INT) as, “… a game you had to see to believe… (Luck’s) poise in the pocket, his ability to make plays under pressure, was that of a Brees or a Brady.” High praise indeed. In another part of the column, while discussing Chiefs’ QB Matt Cassel, King states that, “No NFL quarterback is slumping quite as badly as Cassel, who has been rated lower than 84 (which is mediocrity) in all five games of the 1-4 Chiefs start.” Now, I’m sure that you can see what’s coming next as plain as Andrew Luck’s impressive neck beard, but I’ll say it anyway; young Master Luck’s Passer Rating for his display of Brees-esque Brady-osity was a mere 81. Mediocrity Rules! That’s what you get when you’re too busy to read your own column, I guess.
Thursday Night
Steelers at Titans
The Steelers are really hurting on defence, with a number of key injuries, which could be beneficial to the Titans’ offence (including highly-paid part-time RB Chris Johnson). Fortunately for the Steelers, the Titans’ defence can’t seem to stop anyone. Not long ago, the prospect of a shootout in a Steelers-Titans game would have seemed ludicrous, but it’s a possibility here. Winner: Steelers
Sunday
Raiders at Falcons
There aren’t many teams I’d pick to beat this Falcons team at home, and the Raiders aren’t one of them. Winner: Falcons
Rams at Dolphins
The Rams are playing a better on defence. The Dolphins are playing better on defence. This game could be lower-scoring than the next Yankees-Orioles game (unless A-Rod is playing). On a side note, whenever I pick the Dolphins, they lose, and whenever I pick against them they win. I hope I’m wrong this time. Which means I’m right. Or whatever. Winner: Dolphins
Cowboys at Ravens
I hate it when the Cowboys have bad teams, because it takes something away from watching them lose. With any luck, their fans haven’t lost hope yet. Winner: Ravens
Chiefs at Buccaneers
A couple of real powerhouses here. I’ll take the Bucs defence at home. Winner: Buccaneers
Colts at Jets
The Colts are riding high after their big win last week, so no one should be surprised if they suffer a letdown this week. The Jets are struggling, and will have a lot of fight in them. A nice home win might be the perfect time for a celebratory hotdog, Fireman Ed. Winner: Jets
Bengals at Browns
Tough loss for the Bengals last week. Turnovers, and a stubborn Miami defence will do that. The Bengals should find greener pastures in Cleveland, provided they take better care of the ball. Winner: Bengals
Lions at Eagles
The Eagles’ offence has been uncharacteristically punchless, much of which is due to Michael Vick’s inability to avoid turnovers. They need to feed Shady McCoy early and often to exploit the Lions’ weak run defence. As for the Lions, they’re doing even worse than I thought they would. Winner: Eagles
Bills at Cardinals
This might be the last chance the Bills have to turn things around. If they can’t stop the Cards’ anemic offence, then they might as well give up. Winner: Bills
Patriots at Seahawks
The suddenly potent and deep Pats running attack must terrify the rest of the league. If they can be disciplined enough to avoid making mistakes due to the crowd noise, then they should roll over the Seahawks. Winner: Patriots
Giants at 49ers
No one gives the Giants much of a chance in this one, which must scare the shit out of Jim Harbaugh. I know crafty Tom Coughlin must love it. The 49ers are really good, and the Giants are hurting, so it shouldn’t matter, right? Right? <sigh> Winner: 49ers
Vikings at Washington
RGIII, as brilliant as he has been thus far, is already starting to get dinged up. Enter Jared Allen. The Vikes are hot, and Washington won’t cool them off. Winner: Vikings
Packers at Texans
The Packers are in tough; their defence isn’t getting it done, and their offence has been inconsistent. Not the best time to be facing a Texans team that seems to be doing everything right. Winner: Texans
Monday Night
Broncos at Chargers
The Broncs’ pass rush needs to step up and get pressure on Philip Rivers, force him to make mistakes. Then Peyton Manning can make them pay. Winner: Broncos
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