Take for example today: Mairi and I are arguing about dishes and her lack of doing them. If I think about it, I know I was exactly the same. I hated doing dishes, not only when I was her age but right now. Actually, when George and I got together, I specifically said, "I don’t do dishes. I will cook the most amazing food you have ever experienced, but you’ll have to do the dishes." He agreed. So does this make me a hypocrite for asking her to do something that I personally despise doing? Some people would say yes, other may not agree, but for me it is something that bothers me all the time.
If you are a parent, all you ever want to be is a good one; every day, trying to perfect the one thing that you seemed to have done right in this world. Your fear drives you to create a little person in the light that you wish to see them, and when they go in a different direction, it hurts. It is your ego that is bruised, and if you are truly doing everything right, well, you know in your heart that this is the right direction for your child to go( even if their own direction is full of heartache and disappointment). They need to learn as you did.
Here is something to think about. I remember years ago having a conversation with one of my true friends, and she was talking about grocery shopping. She was living on her own and she said she didn’t realize how much she loved grocery shopping. Of course, at that time I was living in my mother’s home and I had no idea. So when I moved to Cape Breton eleven years ago and started living with George, I got to experience it for the first time. I still remember how liberating it was to buy things for my own kitchen, my fridge, and my cupboards. If I want to get junk food, or whatever, no problem. It was my stuff for George, Mairi and me to share. Sounds strange, since most people think of grocery shopping as a chore, but I bet that if they thought hard about the first time they went to shop for their own place, they would appreciate this "chore" a bit more.
My point is that in every way we all need to grow and spread our wings. We take these wild roads that take us everywhere, new and old. I think that for every parent, as well as every person, we all go through our own trials and tribulations. We ourselves are our own judge and jury, and because of this, we believe that we know what is right and wrong for others. What we fail to recognize is that we need to let others travel through their own roads, trials and difficult things. It is how we grow. Amazingly, it is how both parties grow. You grow because you are loosening the hold your ego has on your abilities to see beyond your own nose. The other person grows because, well, that is just how we learn.
To resolve the argument of myself and Mairi, I decided to face it head on. I explained to her that I hate doing dishes. I told her that that makes me a hypocrite, but, she still needs to do them. I have always, even when she was a child, been truthful with Mairi. She knows that I only speak the truth to her, I don’t believe in hiding anything from her. I explained to her that I do not ask much of her but this one thing. She told me that she doesn’t hate doing the dishes, but she just doesn’t want to do them today. She is so stubborn. But, that is my Mairi. She is more like her mother than she thinks. I get a lot of solace in the thought that one day she will have a child like herself/myself and then she too will have to go through the same predicament. I cannot wait until I get the phone call from her and perhaps then I will give my daughter the same advice that I am employing today. My ego may be bruised because I know that she is not going to follow the path that I thought that she would, but I know that she will be all right.
It is amazing to me how something so small like doing dishes will cause me to think about the grand picture, but I am thankful for this. I am grounded because I can see a bigger picture, and I do not get too caught up in the smaller things (although, being human, sometimes the smaller things will just ruin my day). Life is not long enough for us to worry about things that really are not that important. Take a step back and ask yourself, "is it really worth all the energy that I am putting into said problem? I love enjoying the smaller things in life. I love my family. I love my friends. I am a happy person, which for me, makes me very rich in life.
Happy Does It! :o)