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Oh Mister Sun, Sun, Mister Golden Sun, Please Shine Down On Me!

4/14/2011

 
14-04-11 Today is a great day. I had a memory today from back when I was a single parent. The memory is small but powerful. Mairi and I went to McDonald's for breakfast. She got her hotcakes, and I probably got an orange juice. We sat next to the window so she could look at the fountain while eating. We talked about the water and Ronald McDonald, who of course was sitting on the bench outside. She was probably about 3 years old, but I can still remember it so clearly. The sun that day was out. It was not hot; it was that cool, brisk, type of summer morning that we have here in Nova Scotia. I am sure later on it probably got warmer, but at that moment, it was cool. It is one time that I know we sat there for a while and stared at the fountain. Mairi was (and still is) a slow eater. I remember that moment so clearly. I can honestly tell you that at that moment there was nowhere else in this world that I would rather have been than there in that moment.

There is something special about all single parents. It is not that they are noble; we all know that that is part of it. It is not a job, it is your life. Single parents have opted to continue on with preserving the life and love of their children, without prejudice. They, as do other parents, sacrifice. They have chosen a role. It is not easy being a single parent, even when you have all the help in the world. I recall moments when I had to think about myself and my future, and there was this overwhelming sadness that would come over me. I knew that my future would not be like others and it was uncertain. I pushed forward. That is how I would do it, push forward. I wouldn't allow myself to look back. I had to go forward. To what? I really didn't know. All I knew is that I had a responsibility to my daughter to provide for her the best opportunities that I possibly could. I always find it funny when people refer to looking after their children as 'babysitting.' I always inform them that you are not babysitting your own child; it is called being a parent.

Is this a self-righteous behaviour? I hope so. I will not ever apologise for being a parent and making the choices (yes that is right, choices) that I made. My child is wonderful. Do not take my word for it. Ask anyone, absolutely anyone that knows her, they will tell you the same thing. Of course, there is one 'x-factor,' or should I say 'y-factor' that has greatly affected my raising of Mairi: George. I still remember a time when we were living in Cape Breton; Mairi got ready for school, she had dressed herself, and she had a skirt on over her pants. I didn't want her to go to school looking like that. I have always been afraid of people making fun of her. I have always had this protecting instinct for anyone that is being bullied and I was very conscious of it. George looked at me and told me to leave her alone. My eyes were opened and clear at that moment. I was actually turning into the crazy parent that I never ever wanted to be, the parent who is more concerned about what others think rather than encouraging Mairi to become her own little person. It was amazing. I have always been thankful to George for that moment. I became a better parent because of that. George and I balance each other out perfectly. It is really nice. We are good parents. We love our children.

Life hands us many tasks. Some are wonderful, and we do them with pleasure and bliss. Others are complicated and will test our willingness to complete them. We have the option of choice. We can choose which tasks we want to do. I can tell you this: through my experience, even for the worst possible task that has been asked of you, there is always a piece of sunshine that is peeking through, helping you along the way. The worst thing you can think of always has some good inside of it, if you look close enough. Try not to stay
in the dark.

Always,

Happy Does It!

Selfishly Blind

4/13/2011

 
12-04-11 Yesterday was an interesting day.  George and I were driving and talking as we usually do.  Our conversation came to and stayed on my past.  I came to a realization that there were things that I could have and probably should have done to prevent the situation that I am in currently.  You see, I was blind, blinded by my own selfishness, and I was completely unable to see or perhaps I just did not want to see.

It is hard to explain or express how beautiful it feels to be able to recognise the poor behaviour that I had.  I know how much opportunity I created and lost.  Is this me regretting something?  No not even for an instant.  There is no point in regretting anything.  You are not a time keeper and you are not able to turn back the hands of time.  I have a precious small amount of time to be on this planet, and I do not intend on being a person who cannot get out of my own head.  There is SO much out there to enjoy.  There are such wonderful people, animals and nature.

Today, it is absolutely beautiful out there.  There is not even a chill in the air.  It is warmish and the sun is trying to break through.  There is a light breeze making the trees look like angels are gently brushing them.  The birds out there are dancing both in the air but also in the trees.  I've always wondered if the game tag was originally created by birds.  They are always looking like they are chasing one another and saying "You're it." No more than one second after the first one catches the other, the other one is in hot pursuit.  Actually there is this Disney movie, 'Bambi,' in which they use this word to describe the behaviour of animals in spring: "Twitterpated."  What a neat word.  It may sound immature in its essences, but it is apt in describing the life that we know is awakened every spring time.

Awakened, yes.  That is exactly what happens to me after the snow is gone.  My spirit is awakened.  I feel this overwhelming urge to get out and explore everything.  To see what is new and what has changed.  Check out some places that I have never been before.  I will walk just so I can inhale the air.  I know for a fact that I could sit outside for hours and not care for one second about anything else in this world.  I could just watch the performance that is put on daily by Mother Nature.  The peace that you can find when you sit back and just inhale/breathe, is something that I hope all of you enjoy.  To me, it is something that allows snapshots to be created in my head, to be filed in a place where I can easily access them whenever I feel blue.  For example; I only need to mention Newfoundland to my husband or two daughters and I know I will get the same reaction from them, absolute bliss.  No, it wasn’t this fancy trip with roller coasters and waterslides, but it was a time when the four of us worked as a family, loved as a family and experienced life as a family.  It is MOST definitely one of my happys, without question.

You should see what beautiful things happened to Newfoundland.  They might not be the richest people in the world, but they love.  When you first arrive in Port Aux Basques, you will be impressed with the sheer mastery of the captain of the ferry.  This port is not the easiest thing to manoeuvre into, but they do it like a hot knife through butter.  The landscape leaves a lot to be desired.  There are sporadic houses randomly placed and the ground is barren, with again sporadic rocks placed in odd spaces.   You have a choice, turn left, turn right.  When we arrived we turned right.  This is not a disappointing trip in any circumstance.  I would highly recommend everyone to go to Newfoundland. 

Travelling is something that I like to do.  My most favourite place to travel is here in Nova Scotia.  We have such a diverse landscape.  George and I will drive in the summer and just follow a map to anywhere.  This is when we are at our best.  Allowing the universe to take over.  Trust me.  We have steered in the wrong direction yet.  My happy for today again, is nature. 

 

As Always,

Happy Does It  ;o)

Smile When the World is Crying

4/9/2011

 
06-04-11  Years ago when I was younger, a good friend of mine asked me, "How do you do it?"  I asked him "Do what?"  He replied "Smile."  In response, I just laughed.  I didn't really understand what he was talking about, but that particular question resonated throughout my head for years, and yes, even now to this day.

What can I say? I smile sometimes because I am miserable and maybe my brain thinks that by being a little positive, even if it is just the gesture of smiling, that maybe, just for a moment, my life will take a different route.  I smile sometimes because I am truly happy with everything that is going on with me, and I am satisfied with my life in general. 

There are some people out there that hate to smile.  Imagine not liking the way that you look when you smile; it just seems so implausable.  I am a person who feels that everyone truly looks the most genuine when they smile.  It is like all of their inhibitions fade away, but only when they truly smile (none of these forced "Smile for the camera", smiles). It is a contagious disease, you know.  When you see someone happy and smiling, their energy will affect you.  It will dance around in your brain and make you smile too.  You have no control over this. Even if all you can muster is that corner smirk, you will still have a reaction.

I personally, in my head, keep a little box of tricks.  These tricks include, but are not limited to, conversations George and I have had; silly things that have happened in my life;  things that Mairi has done as a baby and after;  and phrases that Ashleen has said ever-so-randomly.  The reason why I keep this box in my head is because of the uncontrollable things that happen in everyday life.  Things that always tend to bring me down.  I will randomly think of things that made me laugh, really laugh, and that particular wonderful thought will flood my brain and force this big beautiful smile to appear.  My smile.  My thought.  My memory.  I treasure these things so much. 

I wish that I had all the time and energy to write down the things that have happened in my life that would show you how wonderful my family is.   I can try to express it only through the written word and hope that my words will paint a picture that shows all of the colours that I see everyday.  My beautiful daughters.  They are so wonderful.  I am not only saying that they are physically beautiful, but their spirits are magnificently wonderful.  You should see them in action.  If you ever have the opportunity to meet them, do not be intimidated by their kindness.  They both have big hearts and lots of love.  They are best friends to each other, and are best friends to the friends they hold dear to their hearts.  They have learned love.

My husband, well what can I say about him?  Let me start by saying "Thank you."  I don't know what I ever did in my life to deserve such a loving and wonderful man but somehow I have gotten just that.  Oh, he can be a little boisterous, and a little grumpy, but there hasn't been one moment, not one, that I have EVER doubted that he loves me.  He is amazing in every way.  Sometimes he does things that I know others would think are kind of small or insignificant, but for me, just to have someone think of me like he does makes me happy.  He is my protector.  He is my love.  He is my husband. 

So to my friend, who asked me years ago 'how can I smile,' I'll respond with this: "I just can."

As Always

Happy Does It  :)

    Author

    My name is Jaime, spelled with an "im" not "mi".  I never question myself. I have always loved writing.  I do not have much to say about myself.  I just want everyone to know that they are not alone.  There is nothing worse in life than feeling as if you are by yourself.

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