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Backwards Motion In A Forward Direction

9/23/2011

 
I just want to preface this blog with the following statement:  I am all for women's liberation.

I am shocked at what I am seeing all around.  I  know that I may sound like a complete crazy lady, perhaps a little old, but what I have seen just makes me sad.  George and I went out with some friends recently to downtown Halifax for some good social time.  I haven't been "downtown" in a very long time, obviously.  As George and I were walking to one bar, we were put in the unfortunate position to be walking behind three young girls (They were obviously in their twenties).  Unfortunate, because of the attire that these girls were prancing around in.  I am old, I guess, ~or~ I didn't get the memo about leaving your self-respect at home prior to going to the bars downtown Halifax.  These unfortunate girls were wearing these outfits that I believe would make a prostitute blush.  Their tops, well, didn't cover their tops, and the bottom of their skirts appeared to be missing some material.  Let's put it this way: if these girls were boys their "boys" would have been hanging out for the world to see.  I have always been a big advocate of the philosophy "if you got it, flaunt it," but this only applies to those who have it; these girls did not. 

Another note about these girls:  I personally thought that the outfits that they were wearing were not only offensive, but a pure example of how backwards the purpose of womens liberation has gone.  All of the guys, all of them that I saw, were not wearing outfits even close to what ....ugh.  Anyhow, to say that this trend is rather disturbing is quite the understatement.

Let me continue with the idea as too why this is disturbing to me.  I believe that every woman contains a certain sex appeal.  They need to discover it instead of letting the male population decide for them what is sexy.  To be honest, one of the things that I have always been quite aware of is knowing exactly what a man wants.  I know that this may sound a little crazy to some, but most men would agree with me that they are the least complicated beings to figure out.  My husband always tells our teenaged daughters this: "You have something that the guys want.  They don't know what it is, but they know that you have it.  They will try everything under the sun to get it, but you are ultimately in charge of when you give it out, so be smart. 'Cause those guys are not going anywhere."  A man is only a fully-grown boy.  They still get a kick out of bodily functions;  they still find it funny when one of their buddies does something stupid and gets hurt;  they still smell things that have been in the fridge for months just 'cause.  Seriously, they are not that complicated.  When a man falls in love with you, remember, you are his queen, you are the one that he is vowing to protect and take care of.  When a man loves a woman, it is like his world as he knew it has been turned upside-down, and guess what, you are in the middle.  We, as women, need not prance around in demeaning outfits in order to attract the opposite sex.  If you wore a snowsuit and went up to most single guys, and said, "Why don't we go and have sex," you are not going to receive much resistance.  Even if you hit every branch on the ugly tree, guys like to concur, and if you lay it out, you'll have no problems.

Although this is advice, it really isn't.  It is actually a warning.  If you are at this point, you need to have a self-esteem check;  a huge self-esteem check.  You do not have any self-worth.  You can lie to yourself and tell yourself that you are sexy, and confident, but you are lying to yourself.  You need to DIG deeper.  You need to ask yourself one question: "How am I REALLY doing?" Do you  feel like you have this pit inside of your stomach and a desire for something more?  Do you settle arguments with yourself with "I don't care?" Are you constantly making excuses for your own behaviour?  Although others may think that you are being selfish, I understand.  You are trying to hold onto the one piece of power that you have, that is, the control over your own body.  You have shut out the entire world because somewhere along the way, you lost yourself; you lost you.  You will never realize this and you will continue to feel this way until you hit the point where everything is dark and quite lonely.  The point where you feel like how can anyone love you when you have no idea who you are?  Welcome to "Rock Bottom."  This is a place that I am thankful for, because it forces you to do something about your life.  Perhaps I should open a bar and name it "Rock Bottom;" now that would be apt.


I myself have hit rock bottom.  Several times.  It is a place of reflection and a place to move forward.  The first time that I hit rock bottom, I had no me.  No me.  I had no self-worth, nothing.  I looked at myself, and all I saw was something to be pitied.  Even that was a stretch, because I felt that I didn't even deserve pity.   Somewhere along this pathway of life, I started to believe the lies.  I believed that I was worthless and that no one really truly loved me.  Heck, I didn't love me.  I DIDN'T LOVE ME!  How did I turn this around? Well, it is not an easy thing.  I didn't go to therapy, although it would have helped it move along faster.  I started to say out loud the things that I was good at, not great at, but good.  I still remember the exact moment when this realization came to fruition, the exact moment.  I can still look in the rear view mirror and see what I saw. 
It wasn't myself, it was what was behind my vehicle.  I realized that there is no life without love, the love of me, loving myself.  I understood that in order to be not only a good mother, but a great mother, I had to love me, too.  I had to teach my child that I love her, so she will never feel alone.  I had to teach my child that who she is, is all right.  She is the best her.  She deserves to be with someone that loves her as much as I love her, because she is worth that.  She deserves to know that she is important and her opinions matter to me.  She deserves to feel worth.  My job is to give my child the tools to better navigate through life without hitting rock bottom.  I want her to soar.  I may have brought myself back out of the gutter,  but I haven't left anything behind. 

I choose to remember everything, every moment, every tear, every happy point, because it shows how to be empathetic, with hope.  I don't pity those girls dressing the way they do. I just question where their standards are for themselves.  What are their motives?  Perhaps everyone needs to hit rock bottom in order to see the light.  Whether the light is a light bulb, spirituality or just literally, the sun, some guidance never hurt anyone.  As for the women's liberation thing, well, I am a firm believer in equality.  Instead of paying a ridiculous amount of money trying to dress like you are giving it away, why not go to amnesty international and donate money to help oppressed woman living all around this world.   Actually, I am convinced that men would not be able to survive without women.  They would kill each other.  Boys are taught to destroy and women are taught to play nice and nurture.  If we allow ourselves to believe that we need to change who we are, in order to impress a man, he is NOT worth it.  We are all queens.  We deserve to be treated as such.  

My Happy today is this;  I have a  man who loves me.  I am his queen. Ask him, he'll tell you just that.  His love for me is unlike any love I have ever experienced before.  An open book, with interesting pictures. He is my everything, and I am his.  When I would dream about marriage, this is not what I expected.  You know what, it is alright.

Happy is that funny face my daughter made when I gave her a dill pickle for the first time.  She was two months old.  She loves dill pickles now.

As Always,

Happy Does It!  :o)

Getting A Groove

9/15/2011

 
I don't know if you are aware of this fact, but writing this blog is something that I do for myself and for my readers.  Lately, I have been doing a lot of stuff, but not really getting anything done.  It is like climbing uphill, only to find out that someone replaced the pathway with a treadmill. Guess what?  That is life.

I was out the other day, and I noticed a few things.  Everyone is in their groove of back to school, getting themselves ready for the eventual time when their children are going back to school.  I, myself, was not in that groove.  Actually, when my daughter went to school on Tuesday, I was sound asleep in my bed.  When I woke though, I was heartbroken.  This was her last 'first day' of school.  Next year, she will be in university, so it will be her first day of university, not the first day of school.  It may seem insignificant to some, but it was significant for me.  I remember all of her first days of school, right back to the very first day, when all the other little children were crying and hugging their moms and my kid, looks at me, smiles and yells "Bye Mommy."  It was important to me this year, a kind of a end to one part and a beginning of another.  On Tuesday, I missed the "Good-bye, and have a good day.  I love you," which is the thing that I do with my daughter, every day.  I don't ever want my child to think that I don't love her. Even when we are in a disagreement, my daughter knows that I love her.  So Tuesday, I was emotional.  That is all right, though.  My wish would be that every parent would feel the way that I feel and love their children always.  I know this is not true, but I can wish.  There is more to this story.  My daughter went early in the day although they wanted her to be there for the afternoon.  She came back home Tuesday, so I guess technically, I di get to wish her luck and tell her that I loved her on her last first day of school.

Life is what you make it!  We have always heard this, but few take advantage of this fact.  Some  look at their lives and believe that they are stuck in the rut.    I have seen so many people settle into their ruts only because of the state that they allowed their brian to get into. They have convinced themselves that there isn't anything else worth moving forward for.  They convince themselves that the excuses that they are using are valid and true, causing them to be forever stuck in the rut.   Remember the little choo-choo saying, "I think I can, I think I can?"  This is the mind-set that I am applying to my life.  We are all in ruts, but it comes down to whether we want to stay in those ruts, or if we want to grow a little, and climb out of them.  I never took physics, but I know that an object in motion will stay in motion, if the right conditions are set.  Or something like that. :o)  Here is a little inspirational letter to the person most responsible for the ruts that I get into:

Dear Me,
I know that you haven't heard from me in a while.  You/I have been listening to the same tape on replay, basically going through the motions.  You/I may have found some comfort doing this, but the spirit inside of you/me is just bursting at the seams, wanting to get out again.  I apologize, but I have broken the tape player.  Now I know that this may upset you/me a little, but like everything in life, nothing is ever that serious.  You'll/I'll get over it.  I promise!

So where to begin.  Well, I have enrolled you/me into some courses, just to get those old cobwebs gone.  You/I are/am an intelligent woman and you/I deserve to do something for yourself/myself.  You/I have given a lot of yourself/myself away to others and now it is time that you/I do something for yourself/myself.

Sincerely,
Me/You

Moving forward is the true motion.  Sometimes there are bad things that happen in our lives, but time has proven that although it may hurt, it does not kill you.  More than anything, life allows us to choose the things we want to do and which direction to go in.

As Always

Happy Does it!  :o)

    Author

    My name is Jaime, spelled with an "im" not "mi".  I never question myself. I have always loved writing.  I do not have much to say about myself.  I just want everyone to know that they are not alone.  There is nothing worse in life than feeling as if you are by yourself.

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