My grandfather, who I adore, is an avid gardener.  For many years, George and I have tended to his garden, and have helped him every spring and fall, with whatever he needs.  My grandfather has taught me so much over the years about how to garden, and the importance of being present.  One of the things that I have learned is how to preserve the seeds and bulbs of plants. Take for example, poppies. When you first purchase them they are usually sold with the bulbs, but you get the seeds from them through the bulb-like portion that is left after the flower has lost all of its petals.  You literally shake this bulb-like portion (when it has dried) like a salt shaker, and "Voila," poppy seeds.  One of the most beautiful things that I have experienced and continue experiencing happens in late June.  My grandfather has these roses.  During this time, late June, they bloom.  They are a very light pastel pink.  The smell from these roses is intoxicating.  Their petals are so soft (To say that they are silky is almost insulting to the rose).  They are like soft flannel, but not as rough as flannel.  When you dig down into the middle of the rose, you find out where the wonderful aroma is actually coming from. They are above and beyond my favourite flower.   

Now here is the part that I wanted to get to. Like I said, every spring George and I help my grandfather out in the garden.  One of the jobs that I like doing is weeding the garden.  I know, go ahead, scratch your head and think that I am out of my mind. Why would I like doing such a tedious job?  Well, first, it relaxes me a lot.  Second, I would rather be on the ground for a few days weeding the garden to avoid having my 88 year old grandfather doing it.  And finally, I get pleasure, knowing that the little amount of time that George and I put into weeding brings so much joy to my grandfather, and really, to me, it makes it worth all of it.  My grandfather is always grateful, but I truly don’t believe he completely understands how happy this makes me.  Gardening has a lot to do with accepting the unknown, the unknown factors that may disrupt your garden.  One thing that I always do in the spring is a "wait and see" method.  Some weeds, for me, are easily identified, while others, not so much.  I will wait until June to remove the potential weed.  Sometimes, it actually turns out that the "weed" is actually another flower, and that the seeds were dropped in the "wrong" place.  Not necessarily by humans; the usual culprits are birds. My grandfather is all right with these experiments, especially since a lot of the time, the birds know exactly what they are doing.  You look at a garden and see all of its splendour and radiance, but sometimes you are unable to realize its full potential until some sort of change occurs, like bird intervention.

They say that variety is the spice of life. Well, if you are a gardener, this saying is definitely a truism. It is so awesome watching your gardens grow and witnessing what good, honest, hard work can do.  For me, the structure of a garden is easy to accommodate. But, my favourite garden, or should I say my favourite non- garden, is those that are wild flowers.   You know, those flowers that grow everywhere and leave their beauty for all to see, not just the few.  The smell can be hauntingly familiar in the heavy summer evening air.  Almost calming.  I believe that the scent of flowers is one of the reasons that summer evenings in Nova Scotia can be romantic and gentle.  I love driving down the rough country roads on the coastline and seeing those lots where the housing structure is but a frame, but the yard is filled with wild flowers overtaking everything on the property.  It is like an invasion of Mother Nature.  It is so fascinating how quickly nature will reoccupy the space. 

So, this coming spring, why not plant something and see how your garden grows.

As always,

Happy Does It! :o)

We have all heard the saying, "When you get to the end of your rope, hang in there." But what if you have run out of rope, or it’s frayed? What then?  Life is so frustrating; you think that things are going in a somewhat graceful direction, when something jumps right in front of you and says, "What the hell? Really?"  Then, perplexed, you look like a mismatched Mr. Potato Head.  You know exactly what I am talking about;  the face you get, it is so screwed up that  it confuses even you. Here is the road block that you weren’t expecting.  (Oh how I love those crazy people that say that they expect the unexpected) Well, in that case, I have been going at life in all the wrong directions.  I guess following that philosophy, I will expect nothing to happen. And really, how can you expect the unexpected? It poses an impossible feat.  One of my good friends growing up said this to me and I have never forgotten it: "If anything is possible, then it should be possible to be impossible."  Pretty heavy philosophical stuff, for a grade six student brain.  Mind you, she was always a genius.

So what is holding you?  What is that piece of fabric that prevents you from jumping off the road of life to give into the daily grind?  There must be something.  There has to be a part of you that for you is worth more than just giving in to everything. I know that I am always fighting against everything, and some people tell me that I am going to get tired of doing so, but it is the only way that I feel alive.  Actually, it is when I give into life, and let things get me down, that is the time when I feel the lowest. 

Here is something I believe in, and whether you agree or don’t is alright with me.  I believe that we all have a purpose.  Some sort of life force that pulls, pushes, or drags you in the direction that you are meant to go.  You may not know what that direction is, or why, but you are being guided.  Your being could be the reason that someone met the love of their life, or the reason someone did not end their life, or you could be the person who gave the most comfort or solace to someone in need of a little love.  I see this everyday when I go to work in the Emergency Room.  There are dozens of people with whom I work who touch every patient’s life who walks through that door.  They give different sorts of messages, but messages just the same.  It may be the message of compassion for the person in their mid-thirties who just found out that they have a brain tumour, or it is the reassurance to the young mother that her baby is doing all right, and that she just needs a little more education about fevers, and even those people who are just lonely and need to be heard.  These lovely people I work with have heart and dedication, and, for myself it is not very hard to distinguish between those who are only there for the money and those who chose their career for passion.

We all need something to hold on to when we reach the end of the rope. Just something.  You could be the something; you could be my something.  Actually, you could be the "unexpected;" you could change someone’s life just by being who you are. You don’t even have to change a thing about you; you yourself are creating the pathway.  Do you realize how many paths had to intersect in order for you to be where you are? The number is astronomical.  Sure, there are some paths that you probably want to forget, but they got you here, right now.  Pretty amazing.  Even if you are in the worst condition that you have ever been, and it has been the most horrible week, month, day, or even year, right now, your pathway will change.  You have the power to be the change.  After all, you don’t need to be holding on to the rope if the floor is at your feet.

As Always,

Happy Does It

:o)

I am a big supporter of being able to help people find who they really, truly are.  Years ago, when I was taking my business programme, one thing stuck out in my mind, and has never really gone away.  This thing is something that would not surprise anyone, but is all too true.  Only approximately 4% of people love their job.  The other 96% are not satisfied with what they are doing. In other words, their needs are not being met.  When this occurs, you are creating a work environment that is hostile, only because you have ‘disgruntled’ employees. And guess what: if you are not happy with your job, you are part of the problem.  Crazy, huh?  How many of us go to work, have to look at the same things all the time, and not get any satisfaction out of it at all what-so-ever?

Why does this phenomenon occur?  Perhaps instead of why, we should look at how.  When we are toddlers, toddling around, our parents and family have already decided what we are going to be.  It is predetermined what we will be able to do or not do.  Don’t believe me?  Look at it this way.  How many of us looked at our own children, as toddlers, and said, "she/he is stubborn," "she/he loves science, they are going to go into science," "she is a tomboy," "he likes to play with dolls."  It may seem to be insignificant, but when you get down to brass tacks, you are creating the environment that is developing your child's self-esteem and self-worth. You are creating the foundation that is ultimately going to decide your child's future.  We put pressure on our children to become the best that we want them to be.   It is really not a bad thing, but our true intentions are not what they appear to be.  I know that I have mentioned the ego before, but it is something that really needs to be put in check when you are dealing with people.

Helping people is something that I enjoy doing, with some exceptions.  Those exceptions really are when I am using my own judgement and I know that person would be much better off by me letting them do whatever it is on their own.  They might not agree with my decision, but so far, I haven’t been wrong.  Discovering your own potential is more important than you think.  I truly believe that finding out what your potential is is a key to happiness.  When it comes to parenting, perhaps employing this idea would create a confident person who knows what their potential is.  Don’t ever leave them guessing.  Hey, they could end up like me, a million ideas, but no solid leads.  This past year, I have developed and honed in on my ability to write, and write well.  I am finding my potential, and for me, at 34, it feels great.  One piece of advice I heard a long time ago started with one question.  The question was quite simple but extremely difficult to answer.  It was, "What do you love to do?”  This question was followed with, "So now, think of the thing that you love to do, and imagine how you could make money doing it?"  It is not easy to look at yourself and really, and I mean really, understand what it is that you truly love doing. On top of that, coming up with a plan to make money off of it is the soul-sucking aspect of the question.  For myself, personally, if I find something that I love to do, and I can live comfortably (you know, the basics; roof over head, food on table, and warmth when I am cold), that truly would be awesome.   I mean, the truest meaning of the word of awesome, a "take my breath away" moment. What would the world look like if we all decided to live our lives like that?  Could we function in a society where everyone was doing the one thing that made them happy?  I bet the divorce rates would drop.  I bet violence and impoverished places would be lessened.  People may stop feeling sorry for themselves, and stop comparing their lives to others. After all, they have created their own personal utopias.

I know this is not possible, right?  No way, no how.  Well, I declare that it is possible. 

Here is a story for your entertainment.  When I was living in Cape Breton a few years ago, one of the jobs that I had was being a customer service representative for a call centre.  If ever there was a more soul-sucking job out there, it is the life of a customer service representative, who has to call people and offer phone service to them.  I used to refer to it as modern day slavery.  You are working in an economically depressed area, and the business industry is offering jobs that barely pay more than minimum wage, with no benefits, and the business encourages their employees to do things that for me were morally questionable at best.  I hated calling people.  They obviously had phone service; I was calling them.  Quite frankly, for me, it is almost impossible for me to be forced to believe that I am able to help these people when I know that all the company cares about is the bottom line.  The best thing that happened to me was that that particular call center lost their contract with the "major phone company from the US," which in turn caused me to be unemployed.  During my time at the call center, one thing that was prominently shown to me every day that I was there was that there was a whole bunch of people who had great talents, and they were in a situation that reinforced in them that this was not true.  Like I said before, one of the things that I did was I graduated from NSCC with a two-year diploma in Business Administration, with a concentration in management.  One of the many talents that I do have is the ability to sell people through their resume.  Actually, when my supervisors realized that the account was being shut down, well, I wasn’t on the phone at all.  They instead had me creating and writing resumes for them, to better themselves for their next jobs.  It was easy enough for me, but extremely difficult at the same time.  The real challenge when doing this is attempting to inform people that they are underselling themselves and that they should really think outside the box when they are applying for jobs.  You could ask me anything about you, and I will be honest, but for some reason, I have this knack for "spin lingo," and I have the great ability to sell.

Remember the saying, "One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?"   Well, we are all unique individuals with unique dreams and aspirations.  That call center job that I absolutely hated, well there is someone out there for whom this is truly a dream job.  Although a lot of people are against outsourcing, in India (where a lot of our call center jobs were relocated) that job that I hated has changed the lives of thousands of Indians.  Those who were impoverished are now living in beautiful apartments, and are living quite well. 

Look deep into your own self and discover your potential.  Figure out what it is that you are truly meant to be doing that will satisfy you in every way possible, but most importantly, do what makes you happy.  After all, we only have one shot at this (unless you believe in reincarnation), so let’s make this one count.

Remember, the person who is the most critical of you, and who can do the most damage, is you.  You are your own potential. You just have to find it inside you.   

As Always,

Happy Does It!  :o)

Life throws you many obstacles and challenges and really it all depends on how you deal with these issues that defines who you are.  You always have a choice.  You may choose to ignore the problem and hope that it goes away, or you can choose to face it head on.  You may guess I am the person that does the latter, head on, full speed ahead with and without fear.

Since I was small, I have had both the fortunate and unfortunate experience of dealing with mortality.  I had the displeasure of seeing the man of my world deteriorate into nothing, and he still smiled, and was as pleasant as he ever was.  I got to watch my father cry when he told my brother and me that he had six months to live. I was eight.  Children don’t understand what death is, but I know that I am better for the decision that my mother and father made telling us that he was ill.

My memory from the two and a half years of watching him die is very vague.  For example, I remember being told, I cannot hear his voice, but I still see his face.  I remember that it was sunny, which was a rare thing in the summer for West Berlin, but it was sunny, no fog.  I don’t remember my Dad actually speaking after that.  It is like remembering a TV episode in pieces.  My memory is so shattered when I think of him, that it for me is almost impossible to remember certain things. 

Those of you who don’t know, my father was diagnosed with a brain tumour when he was 38.  It was discovered, quite frankly, by accident, because my oldest brother (at the age of 12), had an impeccable memory as to what actually happened when Dad had a seizure in the Bank of Montreal.  The physician, who attended to my father, knew enough not to assume that is was epilepsy, instead, the description of my father's seizure triggered something in that physician's mind that changed our lives forever.  Forever. 

I speak of this because recently I came to the realization that I, as a child, suffered a trauma that I have never been able to address.  Most of you have fathers.  Most of you have had the experience of being able to argue, love, and live with your father.  I didn’t.  I am not asking anyone for sympathy, quite honestly, as much as you say you could only imagine the reality of losing someone is something that no one can imagine.  The reason for this is because the amount of love and interest that you have invested in the person that you lost is the one true binding factor as to how much you are truly affected by the loss that you experience.  I only had 8 years of being his little princess and two and a half years as being his princess who only wanted to help him get better, and teach him how to speak.  Yes, that was the task that was bestowed upon me.  I bugged my mother because all I wanted to do is to help, so after talking with my father’s speech therapist, I was given permission to go through the "See and Say" programme with my Dad.  I would sit down for hours a day teaching him and helping him, and instead of my father reading to me, I was reading to him.  Showing him pictures of objects, telling him what they were, and asking him to repeat them.  I, as an adult, can only imagine what my father thought of this.  Was he proud that I never was afraid?  Did he know that everything I was doing was only out of pure love? Could he see the heartache I felt when people made fun of him because he couldn’t speak or because he couldn’t walk properly?  Did he know that I recognized what bullying was when I was that little?  My father was a highly intelligent man so when he got sick, people who had an inferiority complex thought that it was their right to make fun of him because he could not form a sentence.  Talk about beating a man when he was down.  Nice huh.  I know that because of this, I have this protective spirit inside of me that does not allow others to get bullied.  I don’t care how big they are, male or female, what is right is right. I will always stand up for the person who is in need of help.

I titled this piece "Finding My Heart" because, through tragedy, you become one of two things; stronger, or weaker, for the experience.  Here is what I discovered about myself at a very young age.  At the time, I was made fun of because I had no father; I was bullied because my little heart was so raw that I began to express my feelings from a very honest point of view; and I saw people avoid things that they choose not to understand.  I remember how I viewed life; I remember this because it has never changed.  I knew the power of love.  I knew the fragility of life.  I knew the power of forgiveness.  I knew the power of having the ability to empathize.  Finally, I always knew that there were people out there worse-off than me.  Oh and also, no matter how nice you are, how respectful you are, there are always dicks out there, but truthfully, they can be kept under control (they have their own problems, but that is another blog altogether.) My beliefs were brought to the forefront when I became the very thing that I despised; self-absorbed, and self-destructive.  I attempted to drive out those feelings, ignore them, and do anything so I couldn’t feel anything.  I allowed anger and fear to rule my universe, and I became "the bitch," which I was so famously referred to as, in my youth (and maybe a little today.)  Yes.  I broke down.  I do not know if using the word "broke" makes any sense when describing what happens to people.  I much prefer this description: I took a dark pathway, believing that I was safe, but I was misguided.  For those who think I am talking about when I got pregnant, I will cut that off right now.  The point when I became pregnant, believe it or not, was one of the times when my self-esteem was in recovery mode. 

Finding your heart is when you know and accept how your heart feels. Although that may sound grammatically incorrect, it is not.  Acceptance is the key.  Being able to accept yourself for who you really are is such an eye-opening experience.  It is kind of like when you watch those movies where people stand up and say, "I am a geek," and then a whole bunch of others stand up and do the same thing.  When you think of these movies, the first person that stands up, to me, is the most impressive, and the others, well, they are sheep.  They are portraying an action that they think is the very embodiment of themselves, but in reality (or movie-ality) they are following the lead of someone who has true courage (or a great script.)  We refer to these movies as "feel-good" movies.  Why?  Well, basically, because you feel good afterward.  When you find your heart, these movies are your reality.  You have no fear of being you.  You accept that you are the very best you that you can be ~and~ you don’t give a crap what others think of you.  We are taught strange things that go against our natural inclinations.  Like when you hurt yourself as a child, you are told to "stop crying."  How does this help?  I know when I hurt now, I cry.  I know now that crying releases a lot of chemicals throughout the body which help the body recover more quickly, than if you don’t cry.  Imagine if we were all able to just release all of it.  Let it all go.  You wouldn’t have that giant chip on your shoulder.  You would put your body into more of a Zen state.  Relaxed.

 I am able to express myself now, without fear.  I am able to feel safe and not bullied when I express how I feel.  I am pretty excited about finding my heart.  I am more honest with myself than I have ever been.  This discovery has made a huge difference in my love life and in my life in general.  George and I are very honest with each other.  The smile that you see on my face is a real smile!  The frown, well that is real too!  I do not pretend to be anyone else other than me.  It hasn’t always been like that.  For some reason, you feel the need to be like someone else (god knows why, being you was too difficult).  "Happy Does It" is a philosophy, a lifestyle philosophy of finding your happy, and enjoying your life.  If you have problems, financial, romantic, or otherwise, I will let you know, unless you are dead, your life story is not over.  It is not as bad as you think, and believe me, it will get better.  Look around you!  Take notice!  See everything that is around you and be present in your life.  Engage your life now, because, you do not want to get caught up in life and find yourself in a state of inertia.  I am not telling you to do something; rather I am asking you to live.  Appreciate every breath.  Believe that you are the best you that you could possibly be today.  You cannot change the past; really who would want to?  The past you is the one that got you to the present you.  Including, but not limited to, the past you that made REALLY stupid decisions.  :o)

Keep your head up!  Smile.  Love.  Cry.  Laugh. Be Alive and enjoy!

Happy Does It!

:o)

We are funny as human beings, I must profess.  How is it that we live and learn but tend to have the shortest memories ever?  The age difference between me and my daughter is sixteen years, although sometimes it feels like there is one hundred years.  She is a great child, or should I say young lady, but sometimes we do not meet eye to eye.  It becomes rather frustrating, but I seem to always get through all of the rough patches.  I have this thing, maybe it is me or just something that is inherent inside me, but my ability to empathize always drops my guard  and lets me see the truth.  The truth is, I am not perfect and Mairi is her own person, as am I.  That is the truth that guides me through everything.

Take for example today: Mairi and I are arguing about dishes and her lack of doing them.  If I think about it, I know I was exactly the same.  I hated doing dishes, not only when I was her age but right now.  Actually, when George and I got together, I specifically said, "I don’t do dishes. I will cook the most amazing food you have ever experienced, but you’ll have to do the dishes."  He agreed.  So does this make me a hypocrite for asking her to do something that I personally despise doing?  Some people would say yes, other may not agree, but for me it is something that bothers me all the time.  

If you are a parent, all you ever want to be is a good one; every day, trying to perfect the one thing that you seemed to have done right in this world.  Your fear drives you to create a little person in the light that you wish to see them, and when they go in a different direction, it hurts.  It is your ego that is bruised, and if you are truly doing everything right, well, you know in your heart that this is the right direction for your child to go( even if their own direction is full of heartache and disappointment).  They need to learn as you did.

Here is something to think about.  I remember years ago having a conversation with one of my true friends, and she was talking about grocery shopping.  She was living on her own and she said she didn’t realize how much she loved grocery shopping.  Of course, at that time I was living in my mother’s home and I had no idea. So when I moved to Cape Breton eleven years ago and started living with George, I got to experience it for the first time.  I still remember how liberating it was to buy things for my own kitchen, my fridge, and my cupboards.  If I want to get junk food, or whatever, no problem.  It was my stuff for George, Mairi and me to share.  Sounds strange, since most people think of grocery shopping as a chore, but I bet that if they thought hard about the first time they went to shop for their own place, they would appreciate this "chore" a bit more.   

My point is that in every way we all need to grow and spread our wings.  We take these wild roads that take us everywhere, new and old.  I think that for every parent, as well as every person, we all go through our own trials and tribulations.  We ourselves are our own judge and jury, and because of this, we believe that we know what is right and wrong for others.  What we fail to recognize is that we need to let others travel through their own roads, trials and difficult things.  It is how we grow.  Amazingly, it is how both parties grow.  You grow because you are loosening the hold your ego has on your abilities to see beyond your own nose.  The other person grows because, well, that is just how we learn. 

To resolve the argument of myself and Mairi, I decided to face it head on.  I explained to her that I hate doing dishes. I told her that that makes me a hypocrite, but, she still needs to do them.  I have always, even when she was a child, been truthful with Mairi.  She knows that I only speak the truth to her, I don’t believe in hiding anything from her.    I explained to her that I do not ask much of her but this one thing.  She told me that she doesn’t hate doing the dishes, but she just doesn’t want to do them today.  She is so stubborn. But, that is my Mairi.  She is more like her mother than she thinks.  I get a lot of solace in the thought that one day she will have a child like herself/myself and then she too will have to go through the same predicament.  I cannot wait until I get the phone call from her and perhaps then I will give my daughter the same advice that I am employing today.  My ego may be bruised because I know that she is not going to follow the path that I thought that she would, but I know that she will be all right. 

It is amazing to me how something so small like doing dishes will cause me to think about the grand picture, but I am thankful for this.  I am grounded because I can see a bigger picture, and I do not get too caught up in the smaller things (although, being human, sometimes the smaller things will just ruin my day). Life is not long enough for us to worry about things that really are not that important.  Take a step back and ask yourself, "is it really worth all the energy that I am putting into said problem?  I love enjoying the smaller things in life.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  I am a happy person, which for me, makes me very rich in life.

As Always,

Happy Does It!  :o)