Being happy is something that is inside of you. It is something that you have to access within yourself. Sit back sometime, alone, breathe in the air, drink coffee/tea or whatever, ask yourself 'what makes me happy?' Right away, if you have children, you go there; your children make you happy. Your partner, your friends, your family....the usual suspects. I will let you in on something: you may feel happy when you think about your children, partner, family and friends, but they are not what makes you happy.
What you are accessing is the memories of things and experiences of 'good times,' which is all well and good, but you need to dig a little deeper. If your children are like mine, although there are MANY memories about them that make me feel happy, there is also things that made me very sad as well.
So let's work with the idea that your children make you happy. What about them makes you happy? Be specific. With my daughters, the memory of the two of them in the backseat of the car, driving wherever; Mairi would tell these outlandish stories, I would intervene informing Ashleen that Mairi perhaps is exaggerating just a little, Ashleen would say 'I know, but I like the stories anyway.' I love this memory because I remember looking at George and thinking that we weren't making a mistake blending our families. The girls loved each other almost instantly, like they were two beings meant to be together. My happiness from that moment was and is the feeling of being part of a whole. We were a family. Over time, children get older, they go their own way and somehow when George and I sit down to eat, empty chairs feel sad.
If you look at memories as being all of your happiness , then your happiness is a shooting star and it will fade fast. Memories are great, but you need to realize the core reason of that memory which made you happy. What is it that made you happy? You can not recreate a memory, but you can intellectualize what the core of the story was; 'remember this: the moral of the story is....?' From the story that I just shared, the core of the story was and is that I feel happy when I feel like I am part of a whole. This is something that I can continue to do, by nurturing the good relationships that I have, and not focusing too much on the complicated/challenging relationships. Also, using my time wisely, and not always trying to be the person that fixes everything. To be honest, it is exhausting when you are like me and you are always trying to fix things. I am definitely a person who likes to be in control of my environment, so going through all of the paces to bring out happy is not always that easiest thing.
Go ahead, find the core of your happiness!
And as always,
Happy Does It! :o)