For some, they have distant relationships with their parents, sort of an irreconcilable difference. For others, they are as close as any family could be. For myself, I have had forced distance between my father and I. There was really nothing that we could do about the distance, it was just a fact that my Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumour. Cancer is a fickle whore; she waltzes in and takes away everything that you have and all that you could be. She gives you hope that she is going away only to come back with a vengeance and ruin everything. She misleads and baffles doctors. She destroys families and makes her victim only a shadow of their former self. Have you seen the face of death? The face I am referring to is the face of the person who has given everything of themselves both physically and mentally, and when you look at them, you see this: they have absolutely nothing left to give. There is something about their face; it's chilling.
The closer I get to the age of when he was diagnosed, the more I have come to realize how awful it was to lose someone so young. He passed away at the age of forty. He was diagnosed when he was thirty-eight. He had a wife, three children, a steady career, a house and a undeniable love for everything living. It makes sense to me why some people in my life and family would expect nothing but the worst things to happen all the time; after all, look what happened to my father. Just when you think life is going fantastical, something happens which not only challenges your faith, but challenges everyone's faith. It makes you wonder.
I miss him. I miss the Dad that I remember, I miss the Dad that I never knew, and I miss the Dad and Grandfather that he would have been. A lot of my life, I have been searching for answers to why I am the way that I am. How did I end up so different than the rest of my family? Why was I an outcast?
I have those answers now. There are many things in my life that I am completely aware of and one of these is why I am so different. I never viewed life as anything else than a blessing. The profound affect of my father dying caused me to see things so differently. It sort of turned off my empathy button for people who do not understand that their lives are absolute blessings. To those who would rather focus on material things and not helping others; the world needs you. I know how fear works, but I also understand that when you are alone you are only one, but together we are a force. There is so much change that is needed, oh so much change.
Let me turn this around, I don't call these happy blogs for no reason, I call them that because sometimes in life you need to look at the ugly, hurtful past to realize the present. After all, how can you truly understand what a blessing is if you have no basis to compare. My father passed away, which of course was a terribly sad time. His pathway of life was abruptly stopped, but the rest of his family had to continue living. So we did. It was a bit rocky at first, kind of like learning to walk all over again. Things were not the same. As a matter of fact, things were WAY different. It was like living in a house that had the foundation ripped out of it while you are still in it. A little hectic.
However, even through the rubble, tragedy and pain, beautiful roses can grow. Don't believe me? Look at any walkway or driveway; you might get pissed at the crack in your walkway/driveway, you may get even more angry at the weed growing, but even with all that you do, life still continues on.
Life continues on. Keep the memories of your loved ones, not only as reminders as to who they were and why they are special to you, but as a reminder of their light and let their light lead you.
Through thick and Thin...
Happy Does It :o)