I am shocked at what I am seeing all around. I know that I may sound like a complete crazy lady, perhaps a little old, but what I have seen just makes me sad. George and I went out with some friends recently to downtown Halifax for some good social time. I haven't been "downtown" in a very long time, obviously. As George and I were walking to one bar, we were put in the unfortunate position to be walking behind three young girls (They were obviously in their twenties). Unfortunate, because of the attire that these girls were prancing around in. I am old, I guess, ~or~ I didn't get the memo about leaving your self-respect at home prior to going to the bars downtown Halifax. These unfortunate girls were wearing these outfits that I believe would make a prostitute blush. Their tops, well, didn't cover their tops, and the bottom of their skirts appeared to be missing some material. Let's put it this way: if these girls were boys their "boys" would have been hanging out for the world to see. I have always been a big advocate of the philosophy "if you got it, flaunt it," but this only applies to those who have it; these girls did not.
Another note about these girls: I personally thought that the outfits that they were wearing were not only offensive, but a pure example of how backwards the purpose of womens liberation has gone. All of the guys, all of them that I saw, were not wearing outfits even close to what ....ugh. Anyhow, to say that this trend is rather disturbing is quite the understatement.
Let me continue with the idea as too why this is disturbing to me. I believe that every woman contains a certain sex appeal. They need to discover it instead of letting the male population decide for them what is sexy. To be honest, one of the things that I have always been quite aware of is knowing exactly what a man wants. I know that this may sound a little crazy to some, but most men would agree with me that they are the least complicated beings to figure out. My husband always tells our teenaged daughters this: "You have something that the guys want. They don't know what it is, but they know that you have it. They will try everything under the sun to get it, but you are ultimately in charge of when you give it out, so be smart. 'Cause those guys are not going anywhere." A man is only a fully-grown boy. They still get a kick out of bodily functions; they still find it funny when one of their buddies does something stupid and gets hurt; they still smell things that have been in the fridge for months just 'cause. Seriously, they are not that complicated. When a man falls in love with you, remember, you are his queen, you are the one that he is vowing to protect and take care of. When a man loves a woman, it is like his world as he knew it has been turned upside-down, and guess what, you are in the middle. We, as women, need not prance around in demeaning outfits in order to attract the opposite sex. If you wore a snowsuit and went up to most single guys, and said, "Why don't we go and have sex," you are not going to receive much resistance. Even if you hit every branch on the ugly tree, guys like to concur, and if you lay it out, you'll have no problems.
Although this is advice, it really isn't. It is actually a warning. If you are at this point, you need to have a self-esteem check; a huge self-esteem check. You do not have any self-worth. You can lie to yourself and tell yourself that you are sexy, and confident, but you are lying to yourself. You need to DIG deeper. You need to ask yourself one question: "How am I REALLY doing?" Do you feel like you have this pit inside of your stomach and a desire for something more? Do you settle arguments with yourself with "I don't care?" Are you constantly making excuses for your own behaviour? Although others may think that you are being selfish, I understand. You are trying to hold onto the one piece of power that you have, that is, the control over your own body. You have shut out the entire world because somewhere along the way, you lost yourself; you lost you. You will never realize this and you will continue to feel this way until you hit the point where everything is dark and quite lonely. The point where you feel like how can anyone love you when you have no idea who you are? Welcome to "Rock Bottom." This is a place that I am thankful for, because it forces you to do something about your life. Perhaps I should open a bar and name it "Rock Bottom;" now that would be apt.
I myself have hit rock bottom. Several times. It is a place of reflection and a place to move forward. The first time that I hit rock bottom, I had no me. No me. I had no self-worth, nothing. I looked at myself, and all I saw was something to be pitied. Even that was a stretch, because I felt that I didn't even deserve pity. Somewhere along this pathway of life, I started to believe the lies. I believed that I was worthless and that no one really truly loved me. Heck, I didn't love me. I DIDN'T LOVE ME! How did I turn this around? Well, it is not an easy thing. I didn't go to therapy, although it would have helped it move along faster. I started to say out loud the things that I was good at, not great at, but good. I still remember the exact moment when this realization came to fruition, the exact moment. I can still look in the rear view mirror and see what I saw.
It wasn't myself, it was what was behind my vehicle. I realized that there is no life without love, the love of me, loving myself. I understood that in order to be not only a good mother, but a great mother, I had to love me, too. I had to teach my child that I love her, so she will never feel alone. I had to teach my child that who she is, is all right. She is the best her. She deserves to be with someone that loves her as much as I love her, because she is worth that. She deserves to know that she is important and her opinions matter to me. She deserves to feel worth. My job is to give my child the tools to better navigate through life without hitting rock bottom. I want her to soar. I may have brought myself back out of the gutter, but I haven't left anything behind.
I choose to remember everything, every moment, every tear, every happy point, because it shows how to be empathetic, with hope. I don't pity those girls dressing the way they do. I just question where their standards are for themselves. What are their motives? Perhaps everyone needs to hit rock bottom in order to see the light. Whether the light is a light bulb, spirituality or just literally, the sun, some guidance never hurt anyone. As for the women's liberation thing, well, I am a firm believer in equality. Instead of paying a ridiculous amount of money trying to dress like you are giving it away, why not go to amnesty international and donate money to help oppressed woman living all around this world. Actually, I am convinced that men would not be able to survive without women. They would kill each other. Boys are taught to destroy and women are taught to play nice and nurture. If we allow ourselves to believe that we need to change who we are, in order to impress a man, he is NOT worth it. We are all queens. We deserve to be treated as such.
My Happy today is this; I have a man who loves me. I am his queen. Ask him, he'll tell you just that. His love for me is unlike any love I have ever experienced before. An open book, with interesting pictures. He is my everything, and I am his. When I would dream about marriage, this is not what I expected. You know what, it is alright.
Happy is that funny face my daughter made when I gave her a dill pickle for the first time. She was two months old. She loves dill pickles now.
Happy Does It! :o)