This year has been a tough one. With all of the challenges of my illness and not working since January I find myself doing a lot of reflecting this month.
First off, I didn't realize how defeating Fibromyalgia can be, until it becomes just that. I took things for granted and now I am sharply aware of little things. I am aware of how exhausted I become doing the smallest tasks. I am aware of the pain, my pain, and how it effects everything that I do. I don't say these things for anyone's pity, ever. I am not one who searches for others acceptance, but I am just sharing with you a piece of me. My attitude, my perseverance, and my way of thinking disallows me to feel 'sorry' for myself. This is not a good thing because you need to have self-compassion. I guess some of my wires got crossed when I was small and I don't see things as dire, unless you are knocking on deaths door.
Unfortunately for me, because of lack of self-compassion, I do too much. I try to push past the pain. I ignore my body even when it screams at me to stop. I know that I am going to 'pay' for things that I do. I took pacing classes to learn how to pace; but how do you pace yourself when the only speed you know is non-stop? Now I am at a point in my life where when I do the smallest of things, I am exhausted. The pain never leaves. Again, please don't feel sorry for me. It is not something that I ever want.
A stark reality for me. I have the challenge of learning my limitations and respecting those limitations. It is not an easy thing for anyone to learn. So this month I am starting something I have never done. I am setting goals for me. Small achievable goals.
Small steps.
I have Fibromyalgia, but it will not define who I am.
First off, I didn't realize how defeating Fibromyalgia can be, until it becomes just that. I took things for granted and now I am sharply aware of little things. I am aware of how exhausted I become doing the smallest tasks. I am aware of the pain, my pain, and how it effects everything that I do. I don't say these things for anyone's pity, ever. I am not one who searches for others acceptance, but I am just sharing with you a piece of me. My attitude, my perseverance, and my way of thinking disallows me to feel 'sorry' for myself. This is not a good thing because you need to have self-compassion. I guess some of my wires got crossed when I was small and I don't see things as dire, unless you are knocking on deaths door.
Unfortunately for me, because of lack of self-compassion, I do too much. I try to push past the pain. I ignore my body even when it screams at me to stop. I know that I am going to 'pay' for things that I do. I took pacing classes to learn how to pace; but how do you pace yourself when the only speed you know is non-stop? Now I am at a point in my life where when I do the smallest of things, I am exhausted. The pain never leaves. Again, please don't feel sorry for me. It is not something that I ever want.
A stark reality for me. I have the challenge of learning my limitations and respecting those limitations. It is not an easy thing for anyone to learn. So this month I am starting something I have never done. I am setting goals for me. Small achievable goals.
Small steps.
I have Fibromyalgia, but it will not define who I am.
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