Daily Happy:
June 1988, just three months after my father had passed away. I was in grade five. My teacher, in all of his genius, had a crafts for the children to do. It was to create a father's day card. I was sitting next to a boy, he was a tough boy at school, who was hanging his head on the desk as tears flowed through his eyes. I asked the boy, if he was okay, he told me that his father had died. This was a painful moment for him, and for me. Something inside me gathered not only my papers and crafting supplies, but this boys as well. I walked up to the teacher's desk and said "We won't be needing this."
I walked out of the classroom and went to the principal's office. I didn't go to the principal's office because I thought I was in trouble, I went there because I felt safe, and I knew I was right. Needless to say, I was placed back into that teacher's classroom the next year, he did not make that mistake again.
What we knew as children was loss. How we processed that information was we didn't have something that everyone else had, we were different, and it was something we couldn't change. And boy did the other children know it...it was brutal.
So for a long time, I hated even despised Father's Day. It was something that came along once a year and brutally reminded me that I was different. I hated being different.
Nothing really ever change my mind. I would celebrate my father on his birthday, I would remember him on his death day, but father's day, meant nothing.
Until years later.
This is the part where I will express my true feelings.
Being a single parent was not easy, by any stretch, but it was not made easier by my daughters father. His presence in her life was sporadic and unpredictable. I know he convinced people that he was there, and I prevented him from seeing her, that is simply not true. I have court documents and calendars proving how untrue that really is. I wish that he was more active in her life, but he chose not to be. It was his choice. And my daughter suffered for that, and that is an unforgivable sin.
I met a man, who loved his daughter with his whole heart. I could not believe the shit that her mother and her mother's family put him through. The lies, the rumours and the general misinformation being spread by his daughters mother and grandmother are insane. There are people in good ol' Cape Breton that still believes this shit to be true. He was being bullied. I know in my heart that her mother did not fully understand the gravity of the situation, so I told her. I said "I only wished that my daughters father would want to be involved in her life, half as much as he wants to be in hers." She didn't like that. I guess it came full circle that day for me, but instead of taking the crafting materials away, I was throwing them at someones feet. You can not appreciate what you have until you don't have it anymore. Or maybe you can.
{So I still stand beside what I wrote in this paragraph, but it is now 2020. I have no ill will, or and anger towards Ashleen's mother or family. I am very protective of my family, but with that said it doesn't mean I am not flawed. I know that my own ego, and insecurities blinded me from forming any relationship with Ashleen's mother. I reached out to her this year, and I apologized for my behaviour. She is much like me, trying to live her best life, with the cards that were dealt to her. I respect that. We were both pretty young when we had our first children, so as I say, lift others up, don't bring them down.}
So there are a few influential men in this life that I would like to send a Happy Father's Day to..first off, my own father. David Conrad. He truly was a wonderful man. I thank him everyday for that, and in someway he knows that.
Jimmy Routledge. My father-in-law. There are so many wonderful things I could say about you. You were a man with a giant soft heart, who loved his family. You are missed.
Rick Howie. My father-in-law. You need to give yourself credit for re-connecting with your son. It takes courage to make a first step towards reconciliation, and you did that. You being in our lives has been very positive. We love seeing how happy you are and how much you and Alvina enjoy life. You are always living in the present, and that shows. Happy Father's Day! Love you.
And finally, George. My love. My life. I have hope again. You are an amazing father. {You know I wouldn't blow smoke up your ass, it is just not who I am} You helped both girls and me to realize that there is nothing wrong with being different. Different is something to be celebrated. So if Mairi, wants to go to school wearing pants under her skirt, she did. I can not tell you how much I love you, you saved my life.
Happy Fathers Day!
Happy Does It! ;o)
June 1988, just three months after my father had passed away. I was in grade five. My teacher, in all of his genius, had a crafts for the children to do. It was to create a father's day card. I was sitting next to a boy, he was a tough boy at school, who was hanging his head on the desk as tears flowed through his eyes. I asked the boy, if he was okay, he told me that his father had died. This was a painful moment for him, and for me. Something inside me gathered not only my papers and crafting supplies, but this boys as well. I walked up to the teacher's desk and said "We won't be needing this."
I walked out of the classroom and went to the principal's office. I didn't go to the principal's office because I thought I was in trouble, I went there because I felt safe, and I knew I was right. Needless to say, I was placed back into that teacher's classroom the next year, he did not make that mistake again.
What we knew as children was loss. How we processed that information was we didn't have something that everyone else had, we were different, and it was something we couldn't change. And boy did the other children know it...it was brutal.
So for a long time, I hated even despised Father's Day. It was something that came along once a year and brutally reminded me that I was different. I hated being different.
Nothing really ever change my mind. I would celebrate my father on his birthday, I would remember him on his death day, but father's day, meant nothing.
Until years later.
This is the part where I will express my true feelings.
Being a single parent was not easy, by any stretch, but it was not made easier by my daughters father. His presence in her life was sporadic and unpredictable. I know he convinced people that he was there, and I prevented him from seeing her, that is simply not true. I have court documents and calendars proving how untrue that really is. I wish that he was more active in her life, but he chose not to be. It was his choice. And my daughter suffered for that, and that is an unforgivable sin.
I met a man, who loved his daughter with his whole heart. I could not believe the shit that her mother and her mother's family put him through. The lies, the rumours and the general misinformation being spread by his daughters mother and grandmother are insane. There are people in good ol' Cape Breton that still believes this shit to be true. He was being bullied. I know in my heart that her mother did not fully understand the gravity of the situation, so I told her. I said "I only wished that my daughters father would want to be involved in her life, half as much as he wants to be in hers." She didn't like that. I guess it came full circle that day for me, but instead of taking the crafting materials away, I was throwing them at someones feet. You can not appreciate what you have until you don't have it anymore. Or maybe you can.
{So I still stand beside what I wrote in this paragraph, but it is now 2020. I have no ill will, or and anger towards Ashleen's mother or family. I am very protective of my family, but with that said it doesn't mean I am not flawed. I know that my own ego, and insecurities blinded me from forming any relationship with Ashleen's mother. I reached out to her this year, and I apologized for my behaviour. She is much like me, trying to live her best life, with the cards that were dealt to her. I respect that. We were both pretty young when we had our first children, so as I say, lift others up, don't bring them down.}
So there are a few influential men in this life that I would like to send a Happy Father's Day to..first off, my own father. David Conrad. He truly was a wonderful man. I thank him everyday for that, and in someway he knows that.
Jimmy Routledge. My father-in-law. There are so many wonderful things I could say about you. You were a man with a giant soft heart, who loved his family. You are missed.
Rick Howie. My father-in-law. You need to give yourself credit for re-connecting with your son. It takes courage to make a first step towards reconciliation, and you did that. You being in our lives has been very positive. We love seeing how happy you are and how much you and Alvina enjoy life. You are always living in the present, and that shows. Happy Father's Day! Love you.
And finally, George. My love. My life. I have hope again. You are an amazing father. {You know I wouldn't blow smoke up your ass, it is just not who I am} You helped both girls and me to realize that there is nothing wrong with being different. Different is something to be celebrated. So if Mairi, wants to go to school wearing pants under her skirt, she did. I can not tell you how much I love you, you saved my life.
Happy Fathers Day!
Happy Does It! ;o)
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