Something is wrong in the state of Ohio. Several Bengals have been listed on the injury report this week due to illness. Meanwhile, in Cleveland, the season-long battle for QB supremacy has ended with a whimper, with Johnny Manziel on IR after sucking gloriously in his limited action and the former starter, old what's-his-name also ailing. Now, I'm not suggesting that I know the answer to this mystery, nor am I making any kind of accusations. All I know is that I have scoured the internet for news, any kind of report or mention that there has not been some kind of outbreak of STIs among the players on Ohio's professional football teams, and I have found nothing. Now, according to the United States CDC, rates of STIs, particularly Chlamydia, have been rising steadily in Ohio over the past four years. I would think that in a situation like this, with so much on the line, and with all the negative PR that the league has had over the past season, that they would want to get out in front of this issue and nip it in the bud before a rumour can get started which could undermine the public's confidence in the product. At any rate, I hope all the afflicted players are healthy again soon, and that no one gets any crazy ideas about what's really going on.
Speaking of what's going on, go here to read who needs to do what to who in order to get this or that.
My picks in Bold:
Sunday (It's all Sunday)
Browns at Ravens
After all the back-and-forth over who's starting/who should be starting/why is he adjusting his cup so much at QB, we get Connor Shaw behind Center this Sunday for the Browns. I hope he lights that Ravens' secondary up like a pinball machine (Christmas is over, folks), but he probably won't.
Cowboys at Landover, MD
The East Division-winning Cowboys continue their quest to wreck their season by running DeMarco Murray into the ground. Continuing to give Murray the ball last week in a blowout just days after hand surgery would be confusing for any team not coached by a coach whose testicles are probably in a jar in Jerry Jones's office.
Colts at Titans
The Colts are playing like a one-and-done is in their playoff future, but hey, it's the Titans!
Jaguars at Texans
JJ Watt enters this game just behind KCs Justin Houston for the league lead in sacks. Considering that Justin has to chase Philip Rivers on Sunday, I'd lay odds on JJ, if he doesn't pass out from blood loss that is.
Chargers at Chiefs
San Diego is playing to keep hold of the final AFC playoff spot, while KC would need a win plus a lot of help to make it. I was tempted to take the Chiefs (I always seem to be), especially in Arrowhead, but I don't like their chances with Alex Smith out.
Jets at Dolphins
I was going to pick the Jets to give beloved coach Rex Ryan a proper sendoff, but apparently there's an illness making the rounds with them as well. Hmm... I wonder.
Bears at Vikings
No pressure. Nothing at stake. Cutler throws for 400?
Bills at Patriots
Since Peyton Manning and the Broncos gave the Pats an early Christmas present last week (Home field advantage? You shouldn't have.), and since Belichick would have to be certifiably insane to expose Brady, Gronk, Edelman, et al, to too much of that really good Buffalo defence, I don't know what to expect from this one. The Pats do take defending the home turf pretty seriously, though.
Eagles at Giants
Nothing at stake here. I'm picking Coughlin's crew, for old time's sake.
Saints at Buccaneers
Nothing at stake here, except the #1 pick in the draft for the Bucs.
Panthers at Falcons
Winner gets a home playoff game. Tough to go against the Falcons at home, but I'm hearing bad things about Julio Jones's health.
Lions at Packers
Both are in the playoffs, but this is for the division. The league rightly suspended Dominic Raiola for this one. It's funny how that works; under Jim Schwartz, a culture of assholery ruled the Lions, and though they might have changed coaches, the assholes still remain.
Raiders at Broncos
I'm looking forward to more of Derek Carr next season. No shame losing to the Broncos at Mile High.
Cardinals at 49ers
Of course, this being the Cards, nothing would surprise me, especially playing against the most overrated QB in the NFL, but I think there's just too many losses to overcome here.
Rams at Seahawks
One more week of Seattle fans thinking everything will work out.
Bengals at Steelers
I was intent on picking Cincy here, but, what with all these illnesses on the injury report, I'm leaning toward Pittsburgh.
Speaking of what's going on, go here to read who needs to do what to who in order to get this or that.
My picks in Bold:
Sunday (It's all Sunday)
Browns at Ravens
After all the back-and-forth over who's starting/who should be starting/why is he adjusting his cup so much at QB, we get Connor Shaw behind Center this Sunday for the Browns. I hope he lights that Ravens' secondary up like a pinball machine (Christmas is over, folks), but he probably won't.
Cowboys at Landover, MD
The East Division-winning Cowboys continue their quest to wreck their season by running DeMarco Murray into the ground. Continuing to give Murray the ball last week in a blowout just days after hand surgery would be confusing for any team not coached by a coach whose testicles are probably in a jar in Jerry Jones's office.
Colts at Titans
The Colts are playing like a one-and-done is in their playoff future, but hey, it's the Titans!
Jaguars at Texans
JJ Watt enters this game just behind KCs Justin Houston for the league lead in sacks. Considering that Justin has to chase Philip Rivers on Sunday, I'd lay odds on JJ, if he doesn't pass out from blood loss that is.
Chargers at Chiefs
San Diego is playing to keep hold of the final AFC playoff spot, while KC would need a win plus a lot of help to make it. I was tempted to take the Chiefs (I always seem to be), especially in Arrowhead, but I don't like their chances with Alex Smith out.
Jets at Dolphins
I was going to pick the Jets to give beloved coach Rex Ryan a proper sendoff, but apparently there's an illness making the rounds with them as well. Hmm... I wonder.
Bears at Vikings
No pressure. Nothing at stake. Cutler throws for 400?
Bills at Patriots
Since Peyton Manning and the Broncos gave the Pats an early Christmas present last week (Home field advantage? You shouldn't have.), and since Belichick would have to be certifiably insane to expose Brady, Gronk, Edelman, et al, to too much of that really good Buffalo defence, I don't know what to expect from this one. The Pats do take defending the home turf pretty seriously, though.
Eagles at Giants
Nothing at stake here. I'm picking Coughlin's crew, for old time's sake.
Saints at Buccaneers
Nothing at stake here, except the #1 pick in the draft for the Bucs.
Panthers at Falcons
Winner gets a home playoff game. Tough to go against the Falcons at home, but I'm hearing bad things about Julio Jones's health.
Lions at Packers
Both are in the playoffs, but this is for the division. The league rightly suspended Dominic Raiola for this one. It's funny how that works; under Jim Schwartz, a culture of assholery ruled the Lions, and though they might have changed coaches, the assholes still remain.
Raiders at Broncos
I'm looking forward to more of Derek Carr next season. No shame losing to the Broncos at Mile High.
Cardinals at 49ers
Of course, this being the Cards, nothing would surprise me, especially playing against the most overrated QB in the NFL, but I think there's just too many losses to overcome here.
Rams at Seahawks
One more week of Seattle fans thinking everything will work out.
Bengals at Steelers
I was intent on picking Cincy here, but, what with all these illnesses on the injury report, I'm leaning toward Pittsburgh.
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