16-02-11 One thing that I noticed is that my post from yesterday may have come across as a little sad. Perhaps a little upsetting. That was not even the slightest of my intentions. My life is full of love. When I speak of anyone who has passed, I speak of them with a glowing respect. I miss them, but I am thankful for knowing such wonderful people. Such great stories and memories; we all have them. They are the things that keep us going. They are a reminder of how wonderful life is, and perhaps give us some insight into why we were put here in the first place.
Life and Love. These two things are really interconnected. They have to be. I know that if my life did not have love, it would be pretty terrible. I would be alone. I would be sad. I would not have experienced the times that make me smile the most. Like when my husband George gives me this look that basically says, “Okay there sweetheart, I got this one. You can stop telling me what to do, I have figured it out.” I know all of his looks. Most of the time, we need not say a word to each other; we just know. A lot of the time, we do not have to actually tell each other what the other one wants. We just know. What a great feeling. He has weaved his love into my life, around my heart and throughout my soul. I find it rather irritating in some ways. When in my life did I decide to give my all to one man? When did I just let go and fully trust one man? Who is this stranger that I am speaking of? Where did all of her selfish behaviours go? Alright, enough of that. I will answer my own question. I never gave my all to one man. If I did that, then there would be no room for doubt, and I am by nature a jealous creature, so you could say I am a doubting Tom. Not that George has EVER done anything to make my suspicions come to fruition. No, he never has. He is what any woman would want; a completely devoted man, and his devotion is for me and our family. He would do anything for me.
So why be so ‘suspicious?’ Well, here is the thing. One of the reasons I know how to be happy is because I know how to be sad. Extremely sad. I would say that I have a very colourful past with a lot of good times and equally bad times. I had encounters with people with whom I had given my everything to, all of my heart, all of my soul, to only end up lost. You see, with great gains come great sacrifices. In order for “my me” to except the “my I,” I needed to risk it all. I had absolutely no self-esteem. Not even an ounce. My worth to me was solely based on other people's opinions of me. This is an extremely tragic way to live. I find it really hard to see other women in the same position as I was back then, knowing what I know, and being helpless, 'cause really, you cannot help. It is their journey. Their choices to make. I was depressed and lonely, and I had to do something drastic to stop the craziness that was then consuming my life. I laid it all on the table, and I lost. Thank god for small miracles.
I had to re-learn that I was important to myself and others. I had to re-learn that who I was mattered, who I am is important, and that I should love who I am before giving it all away. Knowing what I know now, makes me happy. Happy that, to my love George, I give everything that I have to give, but I still keep things for me. He understands that. He knows that I need to keep a part of me for me, but the rest is his. I am so very, very lucky. George I live with you, I love with you and together we are strong.
As Always..
Happy Does It!
Life and Love. These two things are really interconnected. They have to be. I know that if my life did not have love, it would be pretty terrible. I would be alone. I would be sad. I would not have experienced the times that make me smile the most. Like when my husband George gives me this look that basically says, “Okay there sweetheart, I got this one. You can stop telling me what to do, I have figured it out.” I know all of his looks. Most of the time, we need not say a word to each other; we just know. A lot of the time, we do not have to actually tell each other what the other one wants. We just know. What a great feeling. He has weaved his love into my life, around my heart and throughout my soul. I find it rather irritating in some ways. When in my life did I decide to give my all to one man? When did I just let go and fully trust one man? Who is this stranger that I am speaking of? Where did all of her selfish behaviours go? Alright, enough of that. I will answer my own question. I never gave my all to one man. If I did that, then there would be no room for doubt, and I am by nature a jealous creature, so you could say I am a doubting Tom. Not that George has EVER done anything to make my suspicions come to fruition. No, he never has. He is what any woman would want; a completely devoted man, and his devotion is for me and our family. He would do anything for me.
So why be so ‘suspicious?’ Well, here is the thing. One of the reasons I know how to be happy is because I know how to be sad. Extremely sad. I would say that I have a very colourful past with a lot of good times and equally bad times. I had encounters with people with whom I had given my everything to, all of my heart, all of my soul, to only end up lost. You see, with great gains come great sacrifices. In order for “my me” to except the “my I,” I needed to risk it all. I had absolutely no self-esteem. Not even an ounce. My worth to me was solely based on other people's opinions of me. This is an extremely tragic way to live. I find it really hard to see other women in the same position as I was back then, knowing what I know, and being helpless, 'cause really, you cannot help. It is their journey. Their choices to make. I was depressed and lonely, and I had to do something drastic to stop the craziness that was then consuming my life. I laid it all on the table, and I lost. Thank god for small miracles.
I had to re-learn that I was important to myself and others. I had to re-learn that who I was mattered, who I am is important, and that I should love who I am before giving it all away. Knowing what I know now, makes me happy. Happy that, to my love George, I give everything that I have to give, but I still keep things for me. He understands that. He knows that I need to keep a part of me for me, but the rest is his. I am so very, very lucky. George I live with you, I love with you and together we are strong.
As Always..
Happy Does It!
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