It was an accident. An oversight. I never meant not to do it.

Yesterday, we ran a few errands. Then, one of my best friends came by for a visit with his wife and son, which was nice, as I hadn't seen them in a while. Then, we ran a few more errands, and settled in for a quiet evening at home.

It was an exciting night for us. We drank beer and played video games. Just vegged out and relaxed. It was exactly what we both needed.

After my wife went to bed, I still had my weekly football column to finish. I had started it the night before, but I had a bunch of notes from the previous week that I wanted to use, so the column ended up being a monster. By the time I was finished, the column was over 2,500 words. It was about 4:30 am, I had had a few more beers while writing, and I was beat. So, I went over to the love seat, started watching TV, and quickly fell asleep.

I didn't even realize until I had woken up this morning that, after 18 straight days, I hadn't done a DUBoT for yesterday.

So, there goes my plan to do one every day for a year. No regrets though. I was happy with the football column. And, I had a great day.

After a thrilling ride into Halifax this morning, in the snow and bitter cold, with traffic at a crawl, I made it to my doctor's appointment.

Had a great experience. I love it when I meet a doctor who knows what he's doing. Even better is one who listens.

When it had all been said and done, the verdict was no surgery for me. Success!

Now I can work on improving my situation my way. I'll accept the pain, and look forward to a future where maybe, after several long years, I can be pain-free.

After that, how could the rest of the day be anything but good?

Today, I have had a thousand thoughts running through my head. Ideas, images, songs, conversations, and the various and sundry minutiae that makes up a typical day for me.

What made this day atypical for me was the fact that I kept coming back to the same thought, the thought that’s been bugging me all day, that keeps crowding out the other thoughts, that’s making me nervous even as I type this.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, and I am afraid.

(Some things that occurred to me while I was listening to/reading the news today)

I heard a story on the radio this morning about a politician in Maryland who got drunk and crashed his boat into another boat which had among its passengers five small children. The story went on to say that the politician blamed "gay marriage" for the incident.

Naturally, I was curious.

I got home fired up the old computer machine, and Googled "drunk politician crashes boat." Unsurprisingly, I found what I was looking for right away. The drunk in question is a leader in state government in the fight to keep same-sex marriage from becoming legal. According to reports I read, he was either two-and-a-half or three times the legal limit of intoxication for driving when tested. And when he spoke about the issue later, he did blame stress from his job and worrying about same-sex marriage for his drinking. You see, the poor fellow really believes that same-sex marriage is a danger to society, and is harmful to children.

So, to sum up, the guy who thinks that homosexuality is a choice, and the wrong one at that, decided that it would be a good idea to hop in his boat and take a little joyride. Then, he ploughed into a boatload of kids, and blamed same-sex marriage for his choice instead of taking responsibility.

Here's a handy breakdown of my thoughts on the subject:

Homosexuality: Not a choice.
Getting drunk and driving your boat: Choice 
Same-sex marriage: Not harmful to children
Getting drunk and driving your boat into a boatload of children: Harmful to children
Getting drunk and driving your boat into a boatload of children and injuring them and then blaming same-sex marriage for this: <facepalm>


By the way, the boat accident took place months ago. Oh, and there were a couple of happy endings to the story.

Although the crash resulted in some minor injuries, as well as some very frightened children, no one was seriously injured.

The same-sex marriage initiative, which was on the ballot for the November election, passed. Same-sex marriage is legal in Maryland.

America is one wacky place.

All day, I kept encountering situations over and over where people were approaching complex scenarios and either looking for or expecting to find simple solutions. Looking to past failures as a way to try to predict future actions does not always make the best strategy. If a course of action was tried, but not committed to, or was undermined and not given a legitimate chance to succeed, then it doesn't count as a true effort, and can not be discounted when trying to come up with new solutions. Complicated problems require thought, negotiation, compromise, vision, and the courage to try and fail and try again. If we continue to  approach certain problems from the same angle, constantly trying the same solutions, never willing to consider another point of view, valuing self-interest over what is universally more acceptable. Then we are doomed to fail. Again, and again, we will fail.

I started off the day with optimism and energy. As the day went on, my energy level proved to be unsustainable. For whatever reason, I wasn't able to handle what the day threw at me the way I usually do. At the end, I was spent, exhausted. Physically and emotionally, I had nothing left. Fortunately, I always get to end my day with someone who understands, and who supports me when I need it.

That's why, when it's all been said and done, I never have a bad day. Even when I have an off day.

And tomorrow is another day.

I love days like today, where the idea of balance in my marital relationship involved my wife watching Gilmore Girls, and then her making delicious Nachos, me making an awesome batch of wings, the two of us watching some football together while enjoying some good food and beer, us watching a bit of the Golden Globes, then her heading to bed early while I fall asleep in the living room.

Can't wait for next Sunday.

Today I took a drive. Did something new, but old. I stepped outside my comfort zone. It was easy. It wasn't something that I necessarily expected, but it was planned. I followed the rules. I played their game. I told the truth, but lied a little to tell their truth. I won, and I lost. In the end, I felt good, normal. Real normal. Normal isn't normal for me. I did what I had to do; exactly what I had to do.

Then I bought lottery tickets, groceries, and beer. I made some wagers. I reached out. I watched football.

I had a Saturday.

This morning, my wife posted a funny status on facebook, something about some young man charming her in her dream. I thought it would be funny to, as a response, post a status about dreaming of my wife being charmed by a young man, and my response to it. We both had a good laugh, and I drove her to work. After work, when I picked her up, she asked me why I had deleted my status, as she was going to show her coworkers at the hospital. I said that when I got home, I had gone back onto the computer and, upon re-reading my post, I imagined that someone who was not a “friend” of both of us, and therefore not getting the joke, might possibly interpret it as my joking about dreaming of killing her, which mortified me.

Perception is reality, after all.

Truth be told, I had no idea what I had dreamt about last night. I’ve written on this subject before; I seldom remember my dreams unless triggered to do so by something that happens to me.

And so it went; I came home for lunch, and upon entering our building and seeing the stairway, I was seized by a snippet of the dream I had had last night…

… we are walking toward the outside door… there is a couple in front of us, just entering the building… as we enter the building, I see the couple ascending the stairs, she carrying a baby, and he struggling with a large, unwieldy stroller… there are bags of groceries strewn about by the door… I look at my wife, and she nods in acquiescence… I pick up the groceries, and proceed up the stairs… I reach them just as they are opening their door… I don’t recognize the man, but the woman is an old friend of my wife’s, who coincidentally is a teacher I know… they thank me profusely, and I leave, saying nothing… I descend the stairs to my waiting wife…

Often, I can figure out why I dreamt about a particular thing, or at least I believe I can find clues (I would never claim to understand how my mind works, and I like it that way). Last night, my wife showed me a picture of her friend’s (from the dream) sister’s baby, so that’s most likely what planted that suggestion. My wife’s reaction is something that makes perfect sense to me, and most likely would to her as well. As for the building, well, it was supposed to be where we live, but the stairwell and the layout were all wrong. Funny thing, though; I get the distinct impression that this is someplace I’ve been before. I have a couple of ideas, but nothing concrete.

I would sure like to know what it all meant, but I won’t ever figure it out. By tomorrow I’ll have forgotten about the whole thing, the images faded, my mind having moved on to the next whatever.

Take care of your brain. Feed it. Love it. Cherish it. Be happy. An unhappy mind can and will attack you and unleash unimaginable horror when you are at your most vulnerable.

Sweet dreams.

Today, when I wasn’t…

sleeping, reading, eating, talking, working, cooking, cleaning, shaving, driving, paying bills, and the myriad other things that required my concentration…

… I was thinking about my daughter…

about how sometimes the most difficult decisions are the best ones; how it’s not only ok to miss someone, but sometimes it’s a good thing; how it’s usually not healthy to get exactly what we want right away, and that some of the most satisfying, rewarding things in life are the ones we have to wait for; how allowing yourself to leave your comfort zone is often the best road to self-discovery; how we may teach our children many things, but if we fail to learn from them as well, then we are truly blind…

… and just how incredibly thankful I am to have had the opportunity to learn all of these things.

Thank you.